Christian resources on identity and spiritual growth for single moms
In my previous post, I talked about 5 easy ways to get into God’s Word and I mentioned a benefit of watching sermons on youtube to ignite your hunger and thirst for the Word of God. In that, I decided to make a helpful starter list to help you find awesome sermons that will encourage you and inspire you to spring into action as a woman, mom, and child of God. (more…)
Hey Moms! It feels like it’s been awhile since I wrote a blog post. I wanted to write about something that has been working well for me in this season. Today, I want to share with you ways to get in God’s Word that are easy, structured for busy moms, and will get you well on your way to being thirsty for the Word of God. (more…)
This month was the healthy single mom month where I focused on writing about ways to improve the health of single moms who face various health issues. I am going to tell you right now, this health month was an interesting one. I pushed out this series when my health took a hit.
We are directly in the center of a pandemic and the pandemic literally caught up with me. Everything from my physical, emotional, and financial health was impacted this month by COVID-19. Even though I did everything I requested concerning preventive measures at home and work, I still contracted it.
Everything has been shut down for me and my bed has been my best friend. It has been a struggle though being a single parent and quarantined with a 4-year-old. She’s a pretty independent little girl bu,t she still needs her mama for some things. So in other words, mama is struggling a bit to get quality rest.
Health is my priority this month. And with all that I’ve experienced these past few weeks, I would encourage you to assess and plan how you will stay or get healthy for yourself and your family’s future.
It can be so easy to forget about the small steps we can take to better our health. Unfortunately, sometimes it takes extreme life events or illnesses to make us sit down and think about our health. Just like when we sit down each month and figure out our monthly bills, we should re-evaluate our health choices for the month to overcome our health issues.
I do admit, I haven’t been the best at managing my health lately. Sometimes the demands of work and making sure our child(ren) is good trumps my health of myself. As a single mom, I find life to be demanding and challenges are a given. What good is a woman that pours out from an empty cup?
I know one thing is that we have to change our perspective on health. Health is more than taking a bunch of medicine and going to the doctor. Even though these avenues help, health is all about how in tune we are with what’s going on in us and around us. It’s the beginning of how “well” you know your own life. Hints the focus is on more wellness this time around.
Single mothers can have all the same illnesses and diseases as others. However, most health among single mothers is stress-induced secondary to poor access to adequate health information and care. Below I share some of the common health issues that correlate to the single mother experience:
These are some complications with health that single moms face. Most stem from a lack of support, finances, and access to community resources. Being a single parent is burdensome for both men and women. However, women are often left with the brunt of child-rearing that takes a toll on the health and wellness of single mothers.
Has someone ever asked you ” How are you doing?” Your answer was I’m fine. And you know that was a lie…
What they really meant to ask is you was “How well, are you?” How versed are you in the things that are going on within you and around you?
Wellness is the state of being in good health or in the pursuit of being well. And with that, I try not to focus on setting goals to accomplish them anymore. I am currently in a place where I want to establish a lifestyle.
It can be addicting to chase goals and the following big things, which can leave us discontent in the process, I am all about the pursuit of being well and in a healthy place without all the pressure of being the perfect single mom. Which I refuse to become…
Health is a state of the body. Wellness is a state of being. – J. Stanford
There are 7 areas to wellness concerning the optimal state of our health. Within each area, I have focused on helping you develop a regimen, not a routine, to help you overcome health issues as a single mom. I hate the word routine. It gives me anxiety.
Regimen building is helpful because it allows me to incorporate specific actions to meet our personal needs in restoring our health and lifestyle.
Below I will cover each area and provide some helpful examples to help you develop your specific health plan to combat your health issues while also receiving assistance from your trusted health professionals.
As I tell all my patients in my day job, you have to be an advocate for your own health. Take charge and know your body well so you can live well.
Disclaimer: I am not a health instructor, physician, or doctor. I do not claim to be. I am a health professional that knows a margin about each realm. If you want to know the specifics of health and wellness, I would seek a certified professional. This post is only to encourage you to advocate for and take control of your own health. Definitions were paraphrased from the University of Wisconsin’s Health Promotion and Human Development Department site.
Definition: Physical health refers to the composition of the body. This area of wellness is all about your need for physical activity to reduce undue stress and fatigue on the bodily structure. Physical health helps reduce the potential of bodily injury, illness, and disease in your life.
Options to implement concerning physical:
Definition: Emotional Health refers to the awareness and acceptance of your own emotions. Focusing on acknowledging, accepting, and managing the feelings that arise both positive and negative. Emotional health is helping you to understand others feelings and how to navigate them in a healthy way.
Options to implement concerning emotional:
Definition: Spiritual Health focuses on your personal search and understanding of the purpose for human existence. Spiritual health encompasses the ability to make peace and harmony in your life. Helps you to find the meaning of life and establish your personal values and beliefs.
Options to implement concerning spiritual:
Definition: Mental Health focuses on encouraging creativity, exploring issues related to problem solving, critical thinking, and adapting to change. This form is usually combined with emotional and spiritual to help stimulate your minds for growth.
Options to implement concerning mental:
Definition: Social Health focuses on your ability to connect and relate to other people. Emphasizes the importance of improving your ability to make friends and use willful choices to improve personal relationships.
Options to implement concerning social:
Definition: Financial Health, also known as occupational health, focused on finding satisfaction and fulfillment your life through your work. Improving the quality of working environments and your attitude to help with improving your success and money management. Proper money management allows for more significant opportunities in other areas of wellness.
Options to implement concerning financial/career:
Definition: Environmental Health focuses on caring for the state of the earth. To what extent are you willing to make adjustments to make the world a better place to live in that reduces the effects on the health of the world.
Options to implement concerning environmental:
This month, I also took the time to create a fun, printable worksheet for all my single moms who want to give health planning a try. I will warn you… It won’t be an easy process and there will be days where you fall short. We are all sinners and fall short of glory (Romans 3:23). But what makes the difference is that we get back up again, in the words of Donnie McClurkin. I love that song.
You can find your Health Regimen Worksheet in the Freebie Vault:
For each boxed area, I would advise you to just pick one thing to implement. Because if you overwhelm yourself with more things, then nothing gets down and you will feel defeated. Which I don’t want to happen at all.
One tip would be to include your child or children in it to have a built-in accountability partner. At the end of each month, you can return to your worksheet and see how you’re doing with your health.
I will leave you with a wonderful quote from an amazing woman that reminds me of how important my health is often. Hope it motivates and inspires you to be the best woman you can be. So when someone asks you again, How are you doing? You know for sure your answer is ” I’m doing well, thank you for asking.”
They who have health have hope; and they who have hope, have everything. –Maya Angelou.
Hope this post blesses and inspires at least one mama to be happy, healthy, and whole! In Jesus name, Amen.
Supportive Blog Post:
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in love life:
To the woman that I thought I wouldn’t have to see anymore. We meet again. But not necessarily on bad terms but I know you’re in desperate need of being healed and encouraged again.
You’ve been doing your thang. Rocking motherhood in the best way you can and walking in a confidence I haven’t seen in awhile. But you haven’t been sleeping well at night , tossing and turning every hour on the hour. Something is heavy on your heart. Something you can’t explain. It makes you want to cry so bad but you know tears only last for a moment. It makes you want to scream and yell but you know no one is listening. You are in desperate need of change, transformation and shifting. Every part of you is crying out and searching for a home.
You talk to God out loud, in your writing and in your thoughts. But it seems that you’re not getting out what you really want to tell Him. Your heart is moaning because it’s broken. Your heart is bruised and tired from all your fighting. You ask yourself why this is happening again. This was supposed to be the best year of your life you say. The best time to usher in your 30’s on a high note but instead you’re back at square one healing all over again. This life is full of divide, hate, isolation, frustration, and sickness right now. I know you are trying your best not to fall into the world wind.
In this letter, I want to speak life into you and encourage you, every part of you. If you don’t mind. I want to see healing and growth come from this, you don’t below here. I am reaching my hand to you in the pit of today and pull you out untouched. Read my words but most importantly hear my heart.
I understand the frustration you feel for having to defend something you can’t control. The stares you’ve endured and the unsaid judgements you’ve had to intuitively feel. You are a black woman and I don’t want you to ever feel afraid to embrace it. God made you this way because he had a purpose for it. He doesn’t see you as a black woman but as His friend, child, chosen one, and legacy. Your black is beautiful so let that wound be healed. Remember what was said in Proverbs 31:29.
I really do understand your silence. The part of you that honestly doesn’t know what to say. But a part of it seems in fear because you’re so tired of being misunderstood. I know you’re tired of having a target on your back. Your voice matters. Your words, your opinions, and your encouragement matter. Someone needs you to STEP UP.
You were chosen for such a time as this. Hold firm to your faith and hold firm to your beliefs. Never let anyone change what you know to be true. Many will not understand your path or even persecute you for it. But this is so much bigger than this world. Hold tight to your eternal life. Prioritize your spiritual health.
Just because you’re single, that doesn’t mean you’re alone. Embrace your single journey. Learn what you need to learn and do what you want to do. Work on being healed, whole, and holy. Single is just a status, not a death sentence.
Avoid the urge to think less of yourself because you are raising your child by yourself right now. You are so much stronger than you think. Use this assignment to steward your child and not send another generation out searching and seeking healing from the answers you already have inside you. Your child adores you and don’t you forget that.
I know this is one area you try to avoid. You need to know that where you are planted is for a season. Focus on learning what needs to be learned from this place of work and move on when the spirit leads you. You need to learn to trust people again. Not everyone is out to destroy your name and your character. Some people just want to see you succeed. Do you want to see yourself succeed?
People may not understand why you’re so playful and goofy all the time. They may not ever get to know you like I do. You are a gem and bring so much laughter and joy to anyone you’re around. Life may put the squeeze on you to the point that you burst with laughter and that’s what I admire about you. Your laugh can relieve the pressure on other’s mind, body, soul, and spirit. Laugh until you can’t anymore.
Lastly, love on your mind. You see it as your greatest enemy but I see it as your greatest treasure. Your mind has always been wired to do good, to serve others, and to help change people’s viewpoint. But for years, you had no idea how to master your mind. So for so long, your mind mastered you.
Heal darling, so the world can be blessed by your amazing mind. Embrace and never forget who you are. I say all this because the world is waiting for you, the Kingdom needs you. You are cherished more than you know.
Love,
Self
Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers and father figures that are caring for their children and children that are not their own. You all are amazing and I am grateful for your part in the development of our next generations. (more…)
A while back I posted a few Facebook statuses for others to share what they admired about me and what they believe I would speak on as a Ted Talk presenter. In general, most people admired my positivity, my spiritual commitment, and discipline. Which in my head, I felt I struggled in all these areas. But through embracing this side of me, I’ve seen my spiritual health improve significantly.
You look online, watch tv, and even sneak into break room conversations, people are talking about health. Whether it’s the health of the nation, mental health, the physical state of your body, fitness programs, and eating trends, health is very important to our culture.
But there is one area that many communication outlets tend to neglect, in regards to promotion, is spiritual health.
Keep reading…
Spiritual Health refers to your core being. The place where you find hope, a future, and peace. The part of you that finds harmony between your body, mind, and soul.
Spiritual wellness helps you to process what you see in the world and how to respond to what you experience. Your spirit guides you in finding the meaning of life and identifying your unique purpose.
Every living breathing creature on this earth should be nurturing their spiritual health. Our spirit is the life-giving component to our being. With that being said, tending to your spirit is vital.
We should reassess and check-in on this aspect of our health daily. I say daily because there is so much going on in this world right now that is affecting every part of our lives. If we’re not careful, our spirits can be wounded to the point that makes recovery difficult.
If we’re not being attentive, we can unintentionally allow things in our spirit and begin to see changes in our thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and interactions with others.
You can work on your spiritual health in many ways. Here are a few that can help:
Of course, there are plenty of things you can do to improve your spiritual health. However, I wouldn’t be walking in my calling if I didn’t warn you of the challenges that will impact your progression in this area of life.
There’s a great deal of challenges that we have no control over. But there is an opportunity to understand the challenges, know the reasons why spiritual health is important and keep the benefits at the forefront of the way we live. Below I address three reasons why we shouldn’t neglect it on our single motherhood journey.
Like I mentioned before, as troubling as the world looks right now, this too shall pass. We should not lose focus on what’s ahead because of the circumstances that we see right now.
Working on your spiritual health helps you maintain discipline to live out your vision and not get off track when the wind comes. As a single mom, we get a great deal of wind and obstacles, but our response is what determines our future.
I have to work on my spiritual health for this very reason. I am such an empathic and highly sensitive person. Therefore, I do things from a good place but not everyone is accepting of who I am. I have to really work on being confident and rooted in who I am so I will not allow the actions of others to ruin my view of goodness in me and around me.
If you are at a place that you don’t trust anyone, it is probably time you need to take a look at your spiritual health.
It is so easy to get caught up in your own life and your own problems as a single mom. When life becomes all about you, everyone around you suffers. There is more to you than your situation. I heard a speaker at Life of A Single Mom say “look at life through a window, not a mirror.”
When you look through a mirror, all you see is yourself. But when you look through a window, you start to notice the beauty around you, the people who love and want to help, and the needs of others. Everyone is doing life right now, it’s better to do it together.
As a certified life coach, clarifying questions and action steps are my favorite things in the world. When it comes to your spiritual health, you should be able to answer those thought-provoking questions and have steps in place to build endurance over time. Here are a few questions, I want to ask you regards to bettering your spiritual health:
All in all, I encourage you to lay out three specific things you will keep, add, and remove from your spiritual life to care for your spirit as a single mom. That way you have a solid vision and actions to be proactive in your own spiritual well-being.
Hope this blesses at least one single mama!
How is your spiritual health?
Check out these blog post to support your journey:
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in love life:
To be honest, our society is in shambles. Our social circles are dwindling even if they’ve barely existed. People are turning on each other stemming from the issues of this nation’s culture. Conversations are either bringing us closer or keeping us further divided. Social media has become a trigger for mental health issues. COVID-19 is still running rapid.
I am spent….
Besides the chaos and the blows our society has taken since January, I have had time to think about my own health and the health of the people around me. Our country is in dire need for the healing and good health that only Jesus can give.
We Need Heart Work in order to be Healthy and Whole.
For the month of June, I will be writing upon the multiple areas of health and giving you all tips, strategies, and opportunities for reflection regarding each area. My church does a health month every June that gives the congregation a nudge in the right direction about our health. This year’s theme is focused on getting healthier together. That is why I want you to join in on this health month with me.
Social health is the first type of health I wanted to talk about because the state of our society as a whole has seen a nasty turn. I know you all are tired of hearing about this but it is our reality. I know I am tired of having the conversations as well. There comes a time when a true dialogue will start once we all learn to listen to understand rather than to respond.
Social Health encompasses your ability to form satisfying interpersonal relationships with others. It also relates to your ability to adapt comfortably and communicate in different social situations. Oftentimes, social health is mistaken as a “non-essential”, but it’s the most important.
Alone we can do so little; together we can do so much. -Hellen Keller
God laid out multiple scriptures that convey His purpose and stance on health, whether it’s social, emotional, spiritual, financial, or physical. Below are some of the scriptures for you to meditate on this month.
God has always called us to have great health. Below are 6 secrets to improving your social health that will help you nurture the relationships you want to have as a single mom. These tips will help you grow while navigating the challenges of society.
We have the opportunity to manifest and bring to fruition the things that we think about and truly desire. Understanding that you were created to be in connection with others and have been given the ability to sustain healthy relationships have such profound effects on your identity. It’s when we adopt the attitudes and mindsets of the world, we create an atmosphere of toxic relationships.
Ask yourself: What do I believe to be true about my social life and interactions? Which of my thoughts are serving me and which thoughts are not?
Honestly, your needs are not more important than others and vice versa. We have to learn to not be on so many extremes and understand the benefits of balance. As my awesome Pastor Erica Moore says, “Be done with either or thinking”. I have understood the importance of getting to know my needs and also being empathetic to others. Therefore, you will be able to have the essential conversations that will allow you to navigate relationships properly.
Ask yourself: Do I know what I need from others and those I am in relationship with? Have I taken the time to understand the needs of others around me? What can I do in the next week to understand these needs?
I had to understand this now as I became a single mom. I have a small individual requiring more of my time and attention. Therefore, all other things will need to get in line by priority. You are not obligated to your boss, co-worker, friends, and other acquaintances. How are you going to be at your best, if you haven’t taken the time to nurture yourself? Balance and time-management is so essential to social health as well as making your priorities and values plain.
Ask yourself: Where am I spending most of my time? Does this allocation of time align with my values? How can I re-organize my time to improve my social quality and allocation of personal energy?
I had to understand that not everyone is at the same level of health as you. Understand that not everyone will have the same values and wisdom that you have regarding social relationships. That is why Jesus called us to open to others but be watchful and guard your heart. Use discernment when allowing others into your life. And if they do not meet your needs or cause you pain, quickly learn from the experience and change their proximity to you.
Ask yourself: How have I responded and healed from past relationship disappointments? How can I be more in charge of my social health? In what ways can I help prevent another toxic relationship in the future?
This one is essential to establishing true connection with people. For so long, I have been superficial with most of my relationships as a protective mechanism against getting my heart hurt again. But I also struggled with wondering why people would not see me as a deeper friend. I had to take the time to heal and have those conversations with myself, so that I can share my life and story with you all today. Authenticity and transparency are important ingredients to build trust with others.
Ask yourself: How have I been authentic and transparent in my relationships? How have I been fearful to share my life with others? What steps can I take today to share my life with others?
No matter what your social health has been like in the past, understand that all of that can change. You have to speak it to see.
I believe that I am what God has called me to be a social being.
I am capable of loving another and establishing healthy relationships.
I will take the time I need to heal from my past social relationships and use my wisdom and understanding to enlighten others.
It is important to know my own needs and the needs of others.
I will create balance in my time for myself and others to nurture all relationships
I will do things that align with my values and prioritize them above all else.
I will go above and beyond to reach my full potential of great social health.
Social Health is important to me.
Feel free to connect with other single moms like you in the Made New Mama Facebook group by clicking image below:
Hope this helps at least one mama!
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Usually I don’t enjoy starting my blog post about the pains of the times; however, we are seeing a significant turn of events. There is boldness being used for good, but there’s a whole lot of boldness being used for bad. Some people use it to take from and hurt others. But on the other hand some are using their boldness for a good cause. Whatever your perspective is with being bold, I encourage you to take another look.
For years, I have struggled with my confidence and often shied away from doing bold things. Just imagine little Chyna in grade school, having an answer to the teacher’s question but not daring to raise her hand in front of the class.
Or teenage Chyna, having no true interest in partying and drinking, but not speaking up and being confident enough to be different. What about adult Chyna? Frustrated with how a guy is treating her in a relationship, but not saying anything in fear of losing companionship.
Life was taking a nasty turn with all the decisions, steps, and conversations I was not risking. After having Avah and starting my journey as a single mom, I knew I had to make a change so I could be a better example for her and also break the toxic cycle I was on.
Keep reading…
Boldness is important for so many reasons. Boldness is the willingness to take risks and innovate with courage and confidence. It is the opposite of being fearful and a key ingredient toward success. It is not pushy, loud, or bossy. Boldness:
For some it comes easy to them and for others, like me, we struggle. This struggle can stem from a number of reasons:
In the bible, God demands us to live and walk in boldness. God often describes us (the righteous) as having the boldness of a lion (Prov. 28:1) and we all know that the lions are the leaders of the Pride land. ( I love Lion King!)
God wants us to preach the gospel and serve the kingdom with boldness and without hindrance. (Acts 28:31) It is even confirmed that we gain our confidence and boldness through our faith in Him. (Ephesians 3:12)
In Acts 4, there was even a prayer put forth for boldness by the apostles. God desires us to be bold in all we do within His will.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
That’s why I took the time to break down the 7 keys to walking in boldness and asking for what you want out of life as a single mom. I have worked through each key in my own way as I have been creating the life I want as a single mom.
This is first and foremost the most important aspect of asking for what you want. How are you going to come boldly if you’re in a state of unknown or uncertainty? Whether it’s a relationship, job, life, or the menu at a restaurant, it is important you do the necessary thought work to be able to identify your specific needs.
I was the queen of not checking with God regarding what I wanted in various areas of my life. My whole thought process was that this is minimal and that I don’t want to bother God with this. Such a wrong way to perceive God. Take your need to His Word and see if this aligns with the morals and instructions He has laid out for you in those areas. If you can’t find it in the Word, discuss it with a close spiritual friend that will be able to walk with you through your process.
I will preach it from the mountain top until the end of my days, everything starts with a belief. How are we supposed to be confident in our requests when we don’t even believe we deserve something great, better, and/or impactful? Believing is the starting line to true confidence and propels you into quality trust. Ask yourself: Do you believe you should be married? Are you believing that you are qualified for that promotion at your job? Do you believe you can get out of debt?
Don’t think you need to know it all. Rebuke the spirit of needing to be able to do everything by yourself. The key to eliminate overthinking is being able to talk it through or sharing your thoughts with another person. Use your resources, especially reaching out to people who are already where you want to be or have what you want. Ask them the important questions so you won’t have to play the guessing and overanalyzing game in your head.
Don’t get me wrong on this one. I am not saying to talk about it all the time to any and everybody or post too much on social media. I am referring to being persistent in your time of prayer (Hebrew 4:16). Meanwhile, you should be speaking whatever it is you want into existence when someone asks you about it. Master your positive self-talk around that particular area. Ultimately, you are aligning your words to your desire and your desire to your vision.
This key goes hand and hand with anything that will stretch you beyond your comfort zone. Want that husband, what are you doing to prepare yourself? No longer want to have money troubles, are you getting a handle on your money management and reducing expenses/increasing income? Want to have a more confident spiritual life, are you participating in bible small groups or engaging in praise/worship? I am not to say these are the only needs, but putting yourself in a better place to receive what you want will improve your chances of success.
This key has been hard for me and a lot of people I know. We are in a day and age of convenience and instant gratification. Majority of us suffer from what the psychologist would say is a “destination addiction”. Destination addiction is where we focus on and obsess over the next best thing. In this mental state, we are not content and take for granted the blessings of today. Know there is a possibility that you may not get married, have a child again, or be able to lose that weight. Furthermore, sometimes what we want won’t come when we want or it will come in a different form than what we expect. No matter the outcome, we must learn to be content.
Boldness can be a bit scary and may be easy for other folks. As a single mom, I have struggled with being bold with what I want, my opinions, and my deal breakers. Being bold and confident can help you set boundaries, set you apart from others at work, and allow you to have more control over your responses to life experiences.
For a while, I looked up scriptures and asked God for the boldness and confidence that I have today. I encourage you if confidence, courage, and boldness is what you desire, you will need to stretch yourself and come boldly to God in prayer and supplication. Truly, there is so much freedom in stepping into your God-given identity.
Hope this post blesses at least one mama!
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Connect via social media platforms as well to be a part of a community of thriving single moms.
In need of individual support, book a complimentary breakthrough chat with me, Chyna Nicole, to help you work through your boldness needs.
It’s been awhile since I have blogged as I’ve been going through a tough time with COVID, the loss of my uncle, and the unnecessary killing of black people in America. America has been shaken in the last few weeks. I’ve even experienced some attacks regarding my identity in Christ. (more…)
Before the eye rolls begin, let me be clear. Whether you enjoy talking about them or not, love languages have changed the game on how we relate to others and love one another. Don’t get me wrong…the application of the love languages is flawed with major triumphs. However, one thing I love about them is the opportunity of growth and understanding. (more…)
I am so excited for this fresh start in the month of May. This is the month of motherhood and womanhood which is right up my alley. It was only right that I write on an area that plagues us single moms the most through movies; the idea of believing in love again. (more…)
dIt’s Sunday morning and you’re in the best mood getting ready for church. Your praise and worship music is blasting, you pick out an outfit that not only looks good on you but honors God. (more…)
I remember a time of single-ness when I was a part of a group of women dating and looking forward to the potential of getting married. Creating a sisterhood that stemmed from the guys we were in relationship with was perfect timing. (more…)
A relationship has always been a struggle for me; whether it was friends, boyfriends, family, or at work, I could not figure out how to navigate them. Until I began to acknowledge my own weaknesses and seeking wisdom regarding the conflicts I was having, setting boundaries was non-existent.
I would like to think I know more about relationships now that I’m approaching the tender age of 30. However, what better way to learn about relationships than through the person who created them and an individual who studied them.
Jesus is foremost the person to connect with for wisdom regarding relationships. Following the way he interacted with his believers, the disciples (Luke 6:12-16), and the unbelievers, can give you insight to appropriate connection and interaction with certain people in your life.
Another source of wisdom is from Dr. Dharius Daniels. Pastor, Coach, Author, and Speaker, he has been a go-to source on Youtube for me including sermons centered around relationship knowledge. In his words:
Our greatest blessings and our greatest hurts will come from the same place. Relationships.
After reading his newest book called Relational Intelligence, I have not been able to view my relationships and interactions the same as before. His take on relationships through the life of Jesus, provides us with the knowledge to utilize the people skills needed for us to live the life of purpose we want.
Reading his book helped me to take the time to truly understand relationships and to take inventory of the relationships I have in my life now.
Your relationships can span from intimate to a two -second encounter at the store. Relationships can be the following:
A relationship is a way that two or more individuals, objects, or ideas connect. People connect on various levels, some on an intimate level and others on a more superficial level. Relationships can be organic, based on environment, similar behaviors, and beliefs.
There can be good relationships in your life and also experiences of bad relationships. Whatever relationship it is, everyone experience some form of relationship as early as utero. The first ever relationship on this earth is with your mother and all others start from that point on.
God created and called us to be in relationship with one another. When we are obedient to love God with all our hearts and mind, we are also committing to love all that He created including our neighbors. We are here to serve one another (1 Peter 4:10), encourage one another (Hebrews 10:25), and carry each other burdens (Galatians 6:2).
In a time where social isolation is encouraged and the norm, relationships are being challenged and strained more than ever. Our original nature to connect to others are being dampened and we need to be more intentional about make sure our relationships are taken care of. (Philippians 2:4)
There is no specific formula or steps to have the best relationships. But there are principles that you can implement to help steward and nurture your current and future relationships.
Below are some tips on relationships and better boundaries to navigate each of our relationships with others well and the way God intended.
I put this tip first because it is the one I struggled with the most. I was originally a go-with-the-flow type of person but it got me in situations I didn’t want to be in. When you have time alone, take inventory of all your relationships that mean something to you.
Figure out and reflect on the expectations you have for these relationships. Then, in conversation, discuss and communicate the expectations from both sides. Therefore, everyone will be on the same page and able to navigate the relationship accordingly. When there is no communication on both parts, there is too much room for imagination to step in.
Once you have reflected and discussed, I definitely encourage you to re-evaluate people’s place in your life. Ask yourself: Is this friendship serving the direction that God has for my life or the direction of the other person’s life? Do I really feel comfortable sharing the inner most parts of my life with them or should I keep boundaries with those individuals?
Relationship alignment is our responsibility. We are responsible for “putting people in their place”. After we have a clear understanding, we must begin the process of aligning those relationships accordingly. – Dharius Daniels
This one goes hand and hand with the previous tip because as single moms, we experience so much rejection and pain from relationships. We can become damaged which impairs our ability and willingness to love and trust others again, which is needed for successful relationships.
But God has called us to Love (it is the greatest of all). Love God, love ourselves, and love others the way Jesus loved us on the cross. So it is in us to love (1 John 4:7), we just have to follow in Jesus’s example and love with discernment.
I found myself getting caught up in saying ‘yes’ and agreeing to things I didn’t really agree with or want to do. People pleasing was the stubborn enemy that stepped in the way when I wanted to step out and be courageous.
Knowing when to say YES and understanding the strength in your ‘no’ is the first step. Not being afraid of disappointing others or their reaction is the next step.
Once you have overcome those two, you are better able to communicate your truth and be authentic in your interactions with others. You owe no one an explanation for your decisions to protect your energy and your peace. It’s called stewardship, not selfishness.
When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you’re not saying ‘No’ to yourself. -Paulo Coehlo
Like the book so nicely laid the foundation, there’s order to making the relationship discussion and conversation happen. There are three steps: Prayer, Planning, and Execution.
Most of us skip the prayer stage and initiate the conversation out of pure, irrational emotions that usually adds fuel to the flame.
Or like me, spending more time than needed in the planning stage, causing myself to become paralyzed by the idea of finding the perfect time and approach.
Lastly, execution is often feared due to fear of rocking the boat, despite being uneasy or unhappy in the relationship.
Ideally, I would like to stay away from being fooled at all. But sometimes we learn more out people after a betrayal, conflict, or situation happens. Therefore, we must use the reality and demonstration provided in front of us to make the decision to limit or eliminate the people we need to guard our hearts and minds from.
I will say this is not only limited to external friends, but even pertains to family members and co-workers. No one has the right to hurt you more than once unless you give him or her permission to.
Never let your loyalty make a fool of you. -Unknown
Most of these tips are about how you perceive others in the relationship, but make sure you look in the mirror when it’s all said in done. I was the queen of limiting behaviors that kept my relationships from true intimacy.
Sometimes we are using protective mechanisms that keep us from truly experiencing the benefits of quality God-filled relationships. Allowing barriers that have been put in place consciously and subconsciously stand in the way of ever growing in your relationships.
I encourage you, if you need additional support in this area, connect with a relationship coach or a counselor/therapist that can help you navigate/overcome these issues.
God knows and created the blessings that come with connecting and navigating relationships. But remember that when sin came into the picture, which invited in the uncertainty and the hurt with human connection.
All in all, don’t fall into the trap of “I’m better off by myself”, because you’re not. That’s just the excuse we use to procrastinate or ignore the pruning God desires for us to go through. Relationships weren’t intended to be hard. All God wants from us… is relationship and our hearts.
Sis it’s time to release those bad experiences that have tainted your view on relationships. It’s time to get back to the way it used to be, the way God intended. Walk in the confidence, discernment, and grace that have been given unto you to improve your relationships, no matter the type.
Pray this post helps at least one mama.
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in relationships:
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