Doesn’t the title sound enticing? Like it has the answer you’ve been looking for all your life. Sorry to burst the bubble. Healthy relationships for single moms require way more than a quick fix.
Writing this post took me back to when I first became a single mom. It sends me further back to the unhealthy patterns, habits, and choices that led to becoming a single mom.
No matter how you became a single mom, whether through a divorce, poor choices, or by choice, you know that it involved relationship challenges. These difficulties could have been with family, friends, romantic interests, flings, or even with yourself.
My Relationship Story
Looking back, I lacked one specific thing in all my personal relationships. I was going through the motions, being superficial with everyone I was in so-called a relationship with.
But I noticed that I was not getting the results I was hoping for after the fact, and my relationship history suffered because of it. I never had a plan, purpose or ever looked at my responsibility for why they weren’t going well.
One day, I hit rock bottom, my last relationship ended with me being in pure confusion about what happened and where it went wrong.
My relationship with my parents became estranged.
Friendships suffered because I was putting more focus on my love life.
And my relationship with my daughter became challenging, putting a strain on our relationship too.
I was unhappy with the relationships I had at work with my coworkers and what I was doing for work.
I even got to the point where I was over myself and the constant cycles I was putting myself through. During this time, I started to pull away from God slowly. Nothing was right.
Life became different. Those healthy relationships I envision was not in sight.
The Turn-Around
This was not the life I expected as I thought I was moving in the right direction toward healthy relationships, marriage, and even happily ever after. Meanwhile, everything was falling apart right under my nose.
Then I remembered, I have to get back to my source. God is the creator of all relationships, and Jesus was an example of how to balance them in a healthy way. My relationship with God became the focus, and all my other relationships began to heal and blossom surely after.
I am here to tell you; God can heal and blossom your relationships too. I can help you walk in the steps that helped me heal, transform, and thrive relationally.
Not to say the road will be drama-less, conflict-less, or a smooth ride. But knowing that someone is by your side is well worth it and will lead you toward healthy relationships in life.
Healthy Relationships God’s Way
On my journey to transforming my relationships, I dived into the Word to better understand relationships and look for examples of how Jesus handled them.
I spent most of my time in these books:
- Ruth
- Songs Of Solomon
- Proverbs
- Ephesians
- Matthew, Mark, and Luke
Through my time, God shared with me that my biggest problem was that I wasn’t authentic. He said that I was putting on a show, playing the role, and doing what I thought people wanted from me. And it hurt me relationally in a significant way.
God shared, ” As a single mom seeking healthy relationships, I would need to uncover all that I was hiding to avoid the feelings of judgment, shame, rejection and disapproval.” I replied, “sure, I can do that.” But honestly, I couldn’t because I have been like that for years with God too. Going through the motions of things, I never opened up and shared how I truly felt or what I desired in life with him.
The Key To Healthy Relationships For Single Moms
I know you’ve been waiting, and you probably have an idea of where I will be going with this. However, through my own experience and time with other single moms, I have found that we omit this one thing. A way of life that will give us so much freedom and reduce our stress by genuinely connecting with people.
The key is:
VULNERABILITY
Before you close this post, hear me out. I am not saying to put all your business in the street or stop discerning who you can share your life details with. What I am referring to is sharing your struggle, weaknesses, losses and victories with others that you are comfortable sharing. When you decide to build healthy relationships with others, your connection and bond can start strong with good communication and trust.
You’ve heard of the concept of catfishing, right??
For years, women have refused to share the truth because of past hurt, rejection, and fear of people getting too close to us and disappointing us. We often put up a wall and never fully engaging with others especially when we are in a group of other women.
We may say we want to make friends or want to be married? But we don’t want to do the work necessary to build the foundation of communication and trust. In return, we are wasting other people’s time and emotions. The same thing that catfishing is all about, pure foolery.
Do not lie (opposite of truth, omiting information) to one another, seeing that you have put off the old self with its practices. -Colassians 3:9
Benefits of Vulnerability
Vulnerability has a weird stigma attached to it of weakness and opportunity to be taken advantage of. However, this way of building healthy relationships is a sure way to avoid unnecessary conflict.
It takes strength, confidence, and courage to walk in the vulnerability we observed in Jesus. But I will clear it up, Jesus was vulnerable on different levels as it relates to His healthy relationship with God, the disciples, and the masses.
Below are some benefits of vulnerability:
- Improves trust in a relationship
- Builds empathy and understanding
- It helps you overcome negative emotions better.
- Increases self-confidence, identity, and worth
- Invites growth
Check out the full article from My Question Life: here.
Look at all the benefits!
Vulnerability is the key to improving and achieving healthy relationships for single moms in search of better connections with their family, homes, work, and even at church.
I won’t keep you any longer, but I want to encourage you to reflect on your relationships. Go through each one and rate your vulnerability level from 1(Great Wall Of China) -10 (Let them see my ugly cry).
Types of Relationships
- With God
- Self
- Children
- Family
- Extended family
- Friends
- Co-workers
- Romantic Interest
- Co-parenting
- Finances/Money
For the relationships that rate five and below, think of ways to improve those relationships’ through vulnerability. If presenting your vulnerability is problematic, then it’s time to reassess if the connection is even worth having.
Additional resources for healthy relationships
During my journey, I have read several healthy relationship books that have helped me work through some of my challenges. Here are a few that impacted me the most:
- Relational Intelligence by Dr. Dharius Daniels
- Relationship Goals by Pastor Michael Todd
- Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud
- God Loves The Single Mom by Teresa Whitehurst
- Emotionally Healthy Woman by Geri Scazzero
All in all,
I will leave you with this. God has called us into a relationship with his people. Whether we like it or not, it’s our natural design.
So I encourage you to take a relationship inventory and assess your level of vulnerability in each relationship. This small step will help promote healing, increase your confidence, and bring forth the healthy relationships you’ve always desired.
God is more interested in your future and your relationships than you are. -Billy Graham
Are you having trouble with fostering healthy relationships? Then I encourage you to check out these supportive blog post:
- Relationship Tips For Better Boundaries
- Asking For What You Want As A Single Mom
- How To Be More Vulnerable As A Single Mom With These 4 Tips
- 3 Reasons To Start Expressing Yourself, Single Moms: One Of The Best Steps To Building Your Confidence
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in love life:
