All my single ladies! All my single ladies. All my single ladies! Now put your hands up.
Now that’s my anthem! Just kidding. But seriously, being single can feel like a Beyonce video every day, if we really want it to. So, cheers to learning how to be more confident in your singleness as a single mom.
Single Season as a single mom
The headline ‘single season’ for many single moms is a long season. I personally know some who get married within the first five years but for some it is much longer than that, sometimes indefinite.
No matter how long you’re in a singleness season, know that you are in a season of great opportunity to heal, grow, become whole, and to build your relationship with God to the highest level.
Why being single is so hard for some?
I believe being single is so hard for some because there’s this human need and desire for companionship. When we are in twos we feel stronger, not left vunerable. And when you make sure God is in it, you feel not easily broken.
I think singleness for many is a feeling of being left vulnerable. When in actuality, being single is the season to glean on your greatest strength through God.
God also didn’t create relationships and marriage for us to idolize it. Many of us treat relationships like they are the king on the throne. Actually relationships and marriages are much harder and requires more work and commitment than when you were healing and evolving when you’re single.
Therefore, singleness is not hard. It’s our idolization of relationships/marriage, our avoidance to cultivate our relationship with ourself and God, and our fear of weakness and vulnerability that makes it hard for many single moms.
The affect singleness has on your confidence.
Your single single season can be your greatest confidence season. A confidence season always leads to a lifestyle and being of unshakeable confidence that can carry you through different chapters of your life.
Being single can affect your confidence in two ways:
1st way
- Feel like your lacking, never enough and your self-esteem drops.
- You become distant with God and lose confidence that he hears you.
- You attempt to seduce or gain the attention of every guy that is nice to you.
- Spend many nights crying because of loneliness and frustration.
- You begin to become cynical about your future as it relates to relationships and marriage.
OR
2nd way
- You get to know yourself on a deeper level and become confident in who you are at the core.
- You become so close to God that you are atune with His voice and walk in the purpose he gave you for your single season.
- You identify your own needs, what type of people you need in your life, and become confident enough to remove those who are not for you.
- Having the courage to go to therapy and work through past traumas that are affecting your relationships and how you experience life.
- Developing a healthy expectation for relationship/marriage based on God’s will and trusting that you will be okay if it never happens.
Now which one sounds like a better way to spend your single season?
You decide how you will experience your singleness and whether you will rise from this chapter confident and ready or discouraged and vulnerable. This is why below I am sharing you 5 ways you can become more confident in your single season.
5 Ways To Become More Confident in Your Singleness
Grow Your Relationship With God
And I will give them singleness of heart and put a new spirit within them. I will take away their stony, stubborn heart and give them a tender, responsive heart. Eziekal 11:19 NLT
When we decide to let go of this chase for relationship/marriage and look at it from a promise stand point, we will realize we don’t need to chase it and let our hearts be soften through handing our cares over to God.
When you take advantage of your single season as an opportunity to strengthen your relationship with God and getting to know him more, you will begin to experience ‘singleness (focus) of heart’ and the ‘new spirit of strength’. Your heart will become tuned to God and the people He has for you or you’re assigned to.
Nurture Your Relationship With Yourself
But I wish everyone were single, just as I am. Yet each person has a special gift from God, of one kind or another. 1 Corinthians 7:7 NLT
Your single season provides the opportunity to get to know yourself on a deeper level too. It allows for you to get to know yourself through God and understand your wiring.
Nurturing your relationship with yourself is the same as learning to be at peace in your own presence. But it’s also the comfort of being all of you in front of God. In singleness, you get the opportunity to take steps toward full authenticity so you can show up in relationships in a honest way and no longer carry a facade or mask.
Paul was saying that it would be nice if people could spend a little more time in singleness as he did. But he knows that God has called people to different seasons and times according to His will, so he lays down his desire for everyone. Singleness allows you to lay down the desires of everyone else for the will of God for your life.
Check Your Motives When You Feel Rushed To Get Out Of Singleness
Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? Luke 12:25 NLT
I won’t spend too much time on this because it’s a challenge for you to sit with God and reflect why there is such an urge to get out of your single season. If you were truly experiencing singleness the way God intended, you wouldn’t be in such a rush to get out of it.
True preparing for marriage is silent.
Confidence is silent, insecurity screams out loud.
Not to say marriage should not be a goal but it shouldn’t be your pursuit. God is your pursuit. My pastor says don’t pursue the gift, pursue the gift-giver. So take the time to check your motives, check your accelerator, and begin to prepare for when the Father decides to release the gift of marriage to you.
Understand That Being Single Is A Gift From God
Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted…I think it is best to remain as you are. I want you to be free from the concerns of life…[you] can spend [your] time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s spirit. 1 Corinthians 7:25-26, 32, 40
Drop the mic, Paul! If reading this did not create a hunger and curiosity to understand and experience singleness the way Paul speaks of, then I don’t know what to tell.
Focusing in your single season is a gift from God. Having the opportunity to do His work, be free from other concerns of this life, and focus on pleasing God and God alone is a gift. Living a world that wants you to be so overwhelmed that you’re never satisfied, you’ll see focus as a gift. This is wisdom and sound advice from Holy Spirit, so take heed and explore it.
Get In Community With Other Confident Singles
When I say get in community, I mean get into a group where people are on a similar wave link as you spiritually. This is not the time to get around people who are exhibiting option 1 of their single season mentioned above in the section of the confidence affect.
Don’t surround yourself with singles who are hunting and getting consumed by being single or the fact they are not married.
Any community you are in should be a healthy one and God-centered. They are walking in the ways of the Word and encouraging you to do the same.
Surround yourself with other women of God who know the blessings of singleness but still hold God to His promise of godly marriage. And who are enjoying their life to the fullest with the fruit to prove it.
Bonus For The Marriage Bound: Use this time to Get Whole, Date with Purpose, and En-joy Life.
I have been blessed to be apart of an amazing dating to marriage community that has really helped transform and help me change my perspective of my single season as a single mom.
This community is the The One Univerisity with Pastor Jamal Miller and his wife Natasha. I have had the joy of being in their programs, prayer challenges, and facebook groups that have been very engaging.
I was also blessed to be apart of a healthy dating workshop that covered dating strategies but most importantly, addressed what to do to become whole within your single season. This virtual workshop was called Dating Remix, led by dating and divorce recovery coach, Ms April Nowlin. A very close mentor-friend of mine.
Both are great resources that will give you tools to be more confident in being single and strengthen your relationship with God.
All in all,
I have enjoyed sharing with you my strategies used to gain more confidence in my singleness. I hope at least one has impacted you in some way to begin to prioritize building your confidence now when you are single with less responsibilities, besides the many roles we play for our children.
I want to end this post with a prayer:
Heavenly Father, I am grateful for you and all the wisdom you have given us over the years. You have brought us to this point of awareness and is now igniting a fire in our spirits to take more steps toward greater confidence and contentment in our single season. Help us to no longer see singleness as a problem, death sentence, or blockage to our life’s path. But help us to begin seeing the stepping blocks and what is needed for us to be happy, whole, and confident where life has us right now as single women and single mothers. In Jesus name, Amen!
Need more support? Check out supportive blog post:
- How To Be Confident Being Single Using These 8 Tips — Thank God, I’m Single!
- Consider These Before You Start Dating Again As A Single Mom
- 5 Tips For Improving Your Confidence Today
- 3 Obstacles To Confidence and How To Overcome Them
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in relationships:
