I remember two very different times in my life that I had very different reactions to stepping up or showing up as me. I was either up or down, but in between, there were always obstacles to confidence, blocking my ability to be.
Blast Into The Past
It was 2011, and we were playing in the conference finals championship game. If you didn’t know, I played D1 Volleyball at Thee Jackson State University.
The first year in 2010, we lost the game in a tough 5-game match against our rival team (well, the team that ghosted me and denied me a scholarship to their program, so my rival). In the second year, we returned with a vengeance with the most talented team ever.
In that season in my life, my confidence was high. No obstacles hindered my confidence in Volleyball and being a part of the first championship volleyball team in school history.
Then you fast forward 8-9 years, and now I am standing in a room full of talented, supportive women of God. We were all waiting for whether we received the business mentorship and scholarship to blossom our business ideas.
Before we could find out the results at the annual conference, we had to share our business idea or potential idea in front of a room of women. Boy, was my senses aroused! Who knows that feeling? I am not necessarily afraid to talk, for some reason, anytime I am set to complete any type of public speaking, I experience a series of physiological experiences that send me into a numbing/sunken place. As you can see, obstacles were all in the way of me conveying my story/idea confidently.
I know both situations were in different phases and very different scenarios. But one thing was the same, I was under a certain type of pressure both externally and internally. Under this pressure, you can weed out the fake from the authentic. Just know you can learn a lot from your past experiences and previous obstacles to confidence.
Why do you need confidence?
Confidence is so important because of the world we live in. We are literally in a time of ever-changing culture and becoming a feast-or-famine lifestyle. People are looking for someone to destroy based on their opinions, beliefs, and way of life.
Confidence is a catalyst that allows anyone that desires it or embodies it to find certainty and comfort in overwhelm. I was reading a book and it said that people who don’t exemplify outward confidence are often overlooked.
It is confidence in our bodies, minds and spirits that allows us to keep looking for new adventures. -Oprah Winfrey
Check out recent post: Gaining confidence with God
Why do we need to identify obstacles to confidence?
I know the frustration we can feel from having to acknowledge things that trip us up time and time again. But without acknowledging it, you will be a victim of it constantly. When we bring it into vision, we can better manage our experiences and put our obstacles in their place when they arrive.
Not to say this will solve your problems or eliminate them. Barriers are a part of life’s experience. However, like with anything else, it is easier for you to navigate over or around it when you can see it coming. Unlike that speed bump in my residential area that sent us flying… I should probably slow down.
That said, I have identified 3 common obstacles to confidence that have derailed me in the past and that I have seen other single mothers struggle with. There are many more obstacles; you can share some of your own in the comments below.
3 Common Obstacles To Confidence
Below I share the 3 blocks to our confidence that appears in the life of many of us, primarily single moms.
Fear
It was only right that I made fear the first one because I think it’s the biggest one of the obstacles to confidence. Fear of failure, fear of embarrassment, fear of not being accepted in your true self, and even fear of being amazing, successful, and adored. Fear is a a natural experience for when you’re stepping out in life. To truly live your authentic self and try new things, you must encounter fear head on.
Since becoming a single mom, having no idea what this life will bring me, I have spent more time with fear than I would like to admit. When you understand that fear does not make you less than others but see it as fuel to try even harder, it will no longer be a part of the obstacles to confidence.
Over-Analyzing Everything
This has been the story of my life. How many of you have thought of every scenario that could possibly happen, either good or bad? How many of you have taken longer than you should have to go after what you want or ask for what you need?
Any time opportunity comes to us; we can get lost in the distraction of figuring out how to make it work or how it probably won’t work. In that distraction, we waste the energy and time needed to step out and make it work.
Don’t get me wrong; the bible does warn us not to be foolish and not act without calculating the cost (Luke 14:28). But if the Holy Spirit keeps nudging you and you are stuck calculating, you are over-analyzing and worrying about being uncomfortable. Sometimes your biggest advancement happens when you get outside of your comfort zone and push past this obstacle to confidence.
Being Held Hostage By The Past
Yes, I am going there. As women, if you’re living, you have experienced some pain or traumatic event. We have embodied our experiences to the point that they become our identity or have the power to dictate which direction we take in life. Being under the shadow of our past can affect our trust in moving forward and stand as a brick wall of obstacles to confidence in our life.
The only way to remove the bondage from your past is by facing it head-on and beginning to heal. Know that it’s not overnight, just as confidence is a process. You have to choose healing and desire to be confident daily, and through that, you can reach your desired potential.
All in all,
Sharing these obstacles to confidence with you is my way of putting your roadblocks into your line of sight. We can’t truly overcome things if we won’t reflect on what is happening in our minds, emotions, and spirit.
God has always encouraged us to be watchful and vigilant regarding things that set out to separate us from the identity and purpose he has given us. If you check, God has called us to be confident throughout the bible. Therefore, He knows the things that trip us up, and He desires us to rise above them.
I am not saying that just reading this post will get you closer to the confidence you desire. The work is beyond the superficial or physical. There is a great deal of heart and spiritual work that goes into developing true, authentic confidence.
God has not created you to hide under a lamp shade. You should be shining bright for all to see in your own strengths and allowing people to experience Jesus through your life. Now that you know about obstacles to confidence, I do encourage you to answer one thought provoking question:
At this time, what obstacles are holding you back from being truly confident?
Check out post: 5 books on confidence you should consider
Whether it’s in a career, relationship. self-love, or spiritual life, everyone can have obstacles in their way of being confident and whole.
If you are someone who struggles to address your obstacles to confidence, I would encourage you to check out these supportive blog post:
- How Your Friends Affect Your Confidence And How It Happens
- How Comparison Kills Your Confidence
- Gaining Confidence As A Single Mom with God and these 5 questions
- 50 Affirmations For Authentic Confidence Today
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in confidence:
