For many, hearing the word ‘vulnerable’ is like hearing a curse word. Some people view vulnerability as a weakness, others view being vulnerable as a demonstration of helplessness. However the vulnerable I am talking about is choosing to put down the walls, removing the guards so that you can find deeper intimacy with God and with others you trust.
Are Single Moms Vulnerable?
The world likes to focus on the societal vulnerabilities that come with being a single mom in today’s world. We are in a climate of, let’s talk about all the troubles that come with being a single mom even though most of the world was and is raised by a single mother.
We rarely hear about the good things that do come from our journey, and if we do, it’s only out of the mouth of one of our own. Or better yet, that successful or famous child that shares their childhood stories of how their mother carried their family on her back.
We hear so much negativity and experience the judgement and lack of respect that others demonstrate. Often causing us to fall into the trap of distrust, paranoia, and isolation. But that is what satan wants you to do, bottle up and not let anyone in to your life or your children’s life.
Even though Google categorizes vulnerability in single moms as a magnifier of limited resources, support, and protection, I am here to say that being vulnerable from the inside out is our greatest strength.
So yes, single moms capable of being vulnerable, but not in how the world defines them. However, we are vulnerable in the way that God created us to be with Him.
What Makes A Person Vulnerable?
Vulnerability is scary for anyone. Being vulnerable means that you open yourself to another and potentially leave yourself exposed to harm or mistreatment either physically or emotionally.
For the sake of time, we will focus on emotional vulnerability for this post. In my understanding, what makes a person vulnerable is what Pastor Mike Todd calls H.O.T.
What that means is that you must humble yourself in front of another, be open to letting others in or becoming intimate with another, and being honest/transparent about who you are and what’s going on in your life. As a single mom, I have found myself struggling with one or all of these at any given time.
However, walking in your HOTness does not make you weak, naive, or gullible but actually make you more attractive to those who are for you. Realness is the sexiest thing on earth in a culture of images and personas, only to find out that people aren’t who they present themselves to be. This is why being HOT, vulnerable is so important.
What is vulnerability in relationships?
Vulnerability in general is one thing, but being vulnerable with other people to fulfill an aspect of intimacy and connectedness is another thing. Being vulnerable in relationships is a must if you want to see a relationship progress or go further than the superficial.
For single moms, this can be very tricky. No matter how you became a single mom, it all stems from someone leaving you vulnerable whether no prospects, wrong prospects, or the loss of a partner caused you to put up your walls and guards against anyone who would attempt to get close to you. Protecting your heart from the unknown that comes with wearing your heart on your sleeve.
However, if we desire a new relationship or even marriage with someone who may become a father figure in our child’s life, there have to be a gradual level of vulnerability unlocked in every step toward trust with that person.
I have struggled with allowing someone to get close enough to see my inner me. That might be why I am still single, 7 years into single motherhood. (or my future husband needs a GPS! JK)
As a single mom, this is why therapy is so important; we must address and heal those wounds that came from being vulnerable before so we can master the triggers and overcome the trauma responses embedded in times when our vulnerability was mishandled.
Vulnerable Disclaimer For Single Moms:
Single moms, I feel like I have finally made it to the other side. However, I have always viewed vulnerability as a tall mountain that I had to get over. I would stare at it and shrink back because I felt like there was no way I could open myself that much anymore.
For many of you who have been rocking with me since 2019, you may have heard my confidence story and when the fight began. I was a 10 year old girl, so excited to share my love with a boy, I had a crush on for awhile on Valentine’s day.
So I made him a heartfelt card that I wanted him to have when I got to school. With all courage and confidence in me, I gave him the card. Instead of being met with kindness, compassion, and tender love, my heart was crushed by laughter, embarrassment, and rejection.
You may say to yourself, kids are kids, but to that little girl that day, she got a taste of when being vulnerable hurts and damages the courageous mindset and confidence that once lived there.
So I want you to know some of the enemies and opponents of vulnerability; here’s a list of a few:
- Fear
- Rejection
- Isolation
- Unforgiveness
- Pride
No matter how your vulnerability was addressed in the past, know that you can grow in it again. Below I share with you the 4 tips or ways that I began to rediscover my ability to be vulnerable again after choosing not to allow the childhood event of over 20 years ago to control my future in relationships.
How To Be More Vulnerable As A Single Mom
Start with God.
When starting with becoming more vulnerable as a single mom, what better way to get things kicked off than with the Most High. Whether you believe in Him or not, God knows you in and out. Often, your Heavenly Father knows you better than you know yourself.
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb. Psalm 139:13 (continue reading through verse 16)
Start by opening up to God completely in prayer. Whether you pray verbally or through a prayer journal, let God know what’s all on your mind. Share with Him your fears, your dreams and everything in between. But most importantly, confess your sins and repent for the times you have fallen short of the glory.
God will always receive you with open arms, love, kindness, and compassion. When you are at your most vulnerable, the presence of God is stronger in your life. There is no gambling when it comes to our relationship with God. You can trust that your vulnerability is safe with Him because it’s what he desires from you, intimacy and deep unwavering relationship together.
Put your guard down and be honest.
One thing about guards and walls is that not only do they keep things from getting in, but they also prevent things from getting out as well. No good ever came from a wall anyway; ask the wall of Jericho.
For this tip, I am not encouraging you to forego any protection for your heart and life. However, I want to change your perspective to relieve the burden you put on yourself to protect or defend yourself in a fight that will or will not happen. Do you want to prepare for battle and fight for the rest of your life?
It’s time to reassess those walls and guards that you mask as boundaries or protection. Identify whether they are protecting you or perpetuating a fear of closeness and depriving you of opportunities to live or receive relationships that God has sent.
Know that heartache and disappointment is the gamble.
I would lie if I said, be vulnerable, and you will never be hurt or disappointed by another person. Any time you decide to open up to another person, you will always run the risk of being vulnerable with someone who does not know how to handle your heart properly.
This is why discernment is so critical when it comes to new and old relationships because people change, you are changing as you read this post. Even though vulnerability is a vital tool for healthy relationships as a single mom, I do not mean you have to be vulnerable with everyone you come across.
There are only a few people on this earth who can handle you in all your seasons. Those people are God, you, maybe close relatives, or a friend. For others, it may be people outside of your immediate, like a boss, spiritual family member, or even your pastor. Make sure you know you can trust them with the heaviness and amazingness that comes with being in an intimate relationship with you.
Focus on transparency to build intimacy and trust with others.
Once you have been vulnerable with God and honest with yourself, you can figure out who you have in your circle or around you so that you feel safe enough to grow in mental and emotional intimacy. Furthermore, know that you always have a choice in who and how much you are willing to be transparent with people.
I would like to challenge you to learn to be more transparent with strangers as well. I ask this because it’s through our transparency that we win people over, become relatable and connected, and allow us to take control of our narrative and story as a single mom.
Side Note:
Being vulnerable can look different for many different relationships. Here are a few examples:
- With parents – sharing struggles financially, communicate needs for their support/guidance or need for boundaries.
- With children – share your stories of mistakes and apologize when you’re wrong. If you are emotionally struggling, crying in front of your children.
- With friends – sharing your concerns for the future, sharing how important your friends are.
- With boss – communicate performance challenges, discuss mental health needs.
- With pastor – talk to spiritual father about current spiritual attacks and lack of understanding in areas while living as a believer.
All in all,
Vulnerability is a key that makes all relationships better. When we leave space for interpretation without properly communicating, opportunities for disconnection and untamed imagination hinder the path to a healthy relationship with God, ourselves, and others.
Single mom, you can be all the things and get all the attention but it still won’t make home feel like home for you or someone you know. Choose vulnerability because we can not go another day without having the presence of strength and power that comes with owning your own story, heart, and intimacy.
Need more resource on becoming more vulnerable and living in vulnerability confidently? Check out these blog post:
- The Key to Healthy Relationships For Single Moms
- How Trusting God Can Help With Your Anxiety Around Relationships
- Trusting God As A Single Mom (6 Bible Verse To Help)
- 7 Tips For Setting Boundaries Better As A Single Moms
- God Is My Best Friend And Here’s Why
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in confidence:
