God is good, all the time! And all the time, God is good! I can hear this chant exclaimed from the depths of my soul and my psyche. There was something about my childhood that provided the foundation I needed to thrive as a single mom. I didn’t strive to become one; life just happened. However, my faith has been vital in moving from surviving to thriving as a single mom.
Before the age of 13, I knew of church and sporadically with my grandmother and extended family. It wasn’t until my parents married and my mom decided that it was time to join a church that I began to become interested in the faith.
Don’t get me wrong. I came in innocent and eager to learn about Jesus at 13, and by 16-17 years old, I was rebelling big time. God had already begun a good work in me by then, and I didn’t realize it.
The Role Faith Played In My Life
Faith played an essential role in my life because it was the place I felt at my best. I felt heard and, at times, understood. At the age of 15, I remember a guest prophet came to our church and spoke over me that women would surround me in my future. I didn’t know what that meant at the time, but I see the manifestations of that now 15 years later.
As you can see, when I talk about faith, I am not talking about the church or the many traditions. I’m talking about the undeniable love and relationship with God and honoring the sacrifice of Jesus. Even though I didn’t fully embrace my identity in Christ at the time, deep down, I always had an inkling that there was more to this faith thing than I was experiencing.
Faith and My Single Mother Journey
As I went through college, I would be in and out of the faith. You know the whole partying, drinking, having sex on Friday/Saturday, but I managed my way to be at someone’s church on Sunday. I would never recommend the double life to anyone. God even warns about this type of life over and over again in scripture.
Life was right on the outside, but my soul and my spirit were dying on the inside. I found myself crying every night and experiencing a level of depression that we see people have now: High Functioning. This type is a scary form of mental health because no one can notice the signs. After all, you usually seem okay externally and fool yourself internally into thinking there is no reason to feel this way.
The Turning Point
In graduate school, I was apart of the TWU Student Christian Ministry and assistant to the leader. That shows I was starting to dibble and dabble in my calling, but my heart, mind, soul, and character were not right yet. Toward the end of my academic year, I became pregnant with my baby girl. Distraught from my news, I began to isolate myself from the ministry, classmates, and even myself. But the first place I ran to was the church to pray after leaving the Walgreens bathroom with a positive pregnancy test.
I was so scared and disappointed in myself, but I knew God was a place I could find comfort. And from that moment on, my real journey with God began. It wasn’t easy knowing that I fornicated, became pregnant out of wedlock, disappointed myself and my family. But God is a God of redemption, and when I rededicated my life to Christ one last time, my life has never been the same.
From Surviving To Thriving As A Single Mom
Of course, I stumbled along the way, but it seemed as though I could get up faster and faster each time with the Lord as my strength. Sometimes I go back and look at pictures of when I first was pregnant. I saw so much pain, fear, fatigue on my face. I am so thankful for the peace and joy my faith has provided me over the last 5-6 years.
This is why I wanted to share with you the ways faith has shaped me as a single mom, because you may be in the space that I was in years ago right now. I want to encourage you that it’s not your fate; it’s a building block to who God created you to be long ago.
Faith showed me my true identity.
My identity journey is one for the books. As I took the time to study and grab hold of who God said I was, I was better able to embrace my uniqueness before becoming a single mom and understand that my identity does not rest in me being one.
Through self-discovery and awareness, I have been more confident than I have ever been before. God places purpose and calling on each one of our lives. And even though life can trip us up from time to time, no circumstance can take away our identity and purpose.
Faith helped me to trust and believe again.
There is something about the single mother journey that dampens our imagination, hopes, and beliefs. I am not sure if it was because of poor choices I made or that I saw myself as being no longer worthy of my dreams; my trust meter was nearly empty.
When I finally dived into my relationship with God and learned to trust and believe Him, I was better able to think that God would continue to do amazing things in my own life.
My insecurities still trip me up when I am required to show vulnerability. But now I know God will protect my heart and that my future is more than I could imagine.
Faith improved my relationship with myself and others.
My faith journey has helped me in the relationship department as well. Studying and hearing about the many times Jesus was around people that sometimes tried to hurt him was powerful. He was able to navigate those relationships and environments with confidence and purpose.
The most significant transformation was my relationship with myself. It took a while to battle my mind and all the negative self-talk I trained myself to do for all those years.
My faith helped me to embody the fruits of the spirit, being kinder, more gentle, and patient with myself. And through that personal transformation, I was made new, and so was my relationship with my parents, child, and extended family.
Faith provided me with a community of friends and mentors.
We hear about the concept of spiritual family or church family often get thrown around, and many single mothers feel like we rarely get the chance to experience it. It may be due to our never-ending responsibilities, fear of being judged, or reluctance to let anyone in. But there is something powerful about meeting and doing life with people going in the same direction as you.
Since being at my home church, Faith Christian Center- Phoenix, I have not only made friends, but I’ve also found spiritual leaders and business mentors to pour into me. Remember, when God told us not to neglect the fellowship with others, He let us know that we can not do life alone because He designed life to be lived together with others to glorify His kingdom. Be open to creating relationships with others.
Faith pushed me past my comfort zone.
Last but not least, faith in God has put me in the most uncomfortable places. Not to shame me, but to help me grow and for pruning toward my original purpose. If it weren’t for God pushing me past my comfort zone, you would not be reading these words right now.
Long ago, I used to have this irrational fear of speaking and writing. My high school spoke over me that I couldn’t write at a very young age and that people struggled to understand me when I talked ( I was a mumbler). I held on to that negative criticism for far too long, not knowing that God will use it for His kingdom.
Now with God’s love, I can embrace my expression’s flaws and still encourage and touch the lives that are apart of my calling. I still have fears about speaking to groups, but I know that I have something to say and a calling to encourage that overpowers any enemy’s attack on my expression.
All in all,
I did not write this post to rant on and on about my life. I wrote this post to encourage single moms that faith is not here to ostracize you and make them feel less than. Our relationship with God is a place to be washed clean of the past’s impurities and uplift us to be the best selves in our future.
Don’t let the judgments of others, fear of rejection, or the misunderstandings of following Christ, keep you from living your best life with God. I would not be the thriving single mom I am today without God and the people in my life. I thank God every day for my daughter that helped turn my life around for the better.
God is not a God of convenience. He is a God who loves His people and wants to be in an intimate relationship with them. I encourage you to lean on faith to grow from surviving to thriving as a single mom.
If you would like additional support in exploring your reservations with faith and allowing God to transition you from surviving to thriving as a single mom, check out these blog post:
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in confidence:
I absolutely loved your post! God definitely has a calling for you. You are an excellent writer. Thank you for this post.
God definitely has the final say. Your kind words mean everything, and I am so glad you loved this post! Thank you so much for reading and commenting!
What an inspirational story, you’re such a strong mama!
Your story is an inspiration to many single moms. It’s not always easy shifting from survival to thriving mode, but Faith in God reminds of who we are and what we can accomplish or become with God. We go through life to share our experiences, our wisdom with those coming up behind us. Thank you for sharing.
Have faith in God. Single mom strong 💪🏽