So you may have heard already that May is Mental Health Awareness Month. And I am a big advocate for this month as I have and currently deal with anxiety, which has spiked due to our current climate as a culture and country. But one thing I found to be a common denominator of most mental challenges is the disconnect from a sense of belonging, acceptance, and being understood.
As single moms, we find ourselves yearning for belonging, desiring acceptance, and feeling understood. We often struggle with depression and anxiety both publically and privately, given the burden and responsibility we carry. There are times that we try to break through stereotypes, generalizations, and isolation, only to find ourselves feeling the loneliness and rejection that we tried so hard to avoid.
We have and make friends but feel like they don’t understand both being single and a mother. We get into relationships with partners that have a perceived notion of what we will allow. Sometimes we experience the stares and the judgment of those in the church that something is tainted in us because we are unwed mothers. Or even our jobs that do not understand the burden on us and add to the pressure.
Not to point the blame or make excuses, but these are the experiences of most single moms. Not whether the claims are valid or just the distorted realities amid anxiety and depression, only God knows. However, when these emotions arise or thoughts are experienced, I see a vacant need for belonging. And to be honest, God is the answer.
My Belonging Story
My struggle with belonging started way before I became a single mom. Even though that was a significant turning point in my life, my identity was on rocky ground well before 25. Now you all know I didn’t start in church, just going periodically with family members. in 2003, my parents got married, and my mother gave her life to Christ. At 13, I was eager to learn and grow in understanding the Christian faith. But by the age of 16-17, my focus turned on the wrong thing, boys.
Doing different things to impress this one boy caused me to get lost in a sea of everything that wasn’t me. I was losing my identity; I was losing me. After years of trying on everyone else’s life, I had no idea who I was. I felt like I didn’t fit in anywhere and that others didn’t understand the magnitude of emotions and thoughts inside me. But little did I know, that was the anxiety brewing early on. I had moments of severe panic attacks and even suicide attempts, but my anxious ways were on display for me to see upon becoming a single mom.
Turning Point
At that point, I knew I would have to do something about it. I didn’t want to live this way anymore of the up & downs. The emotional instability and the trouble with the intimacy I desired no longer. One month before giving birth, I re-dedicated my life; and one month after, I joined my church home as a member. It was time to get back to God, not just for me but for my daughter as well.
Through my commitment, slip-ups, and restarts, I found the true source of my pain, which of my sense of belonging. Since then, I have dedicated myself to learning who I am and where I belong. It was the key to the authentic, raw confidence you see today and the reason I can walk into any room knowing that I belong.
God Says You Belong
Everything I’ve learned on my Made New journey has pointed back to God, our author, and father. Through the scriptures I share with you, you will see how God has already qualified you to be in any room, with any crowd, and should remain hole.
-
1 Corinthians 3:23 “and you belong to Christ, and Christ belongs to God.”
-
Romans 8:1 “So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus.”
-
Galatians 3:29 “And now that you belong to Christ, you are the true children. You are his heirs, and God’s promise to Abraham belongs to you.”
-
2 Corinthians 5:17 “This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!”
-
Romans 12:5 “so it is with Christ’s body. We are many parts of one body, and we all belong to each other.”
-
1 John 4:4 “But you belong to God, my dear children. You have already won a victory over those people, because the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.”
God has also warned you of looking for belonging, acceptance, and approval from external things.
- Galatian 1:10
- John 6:27
- Isaiah 31:1
Despite the pain, you feel from not belonging, know that it is just that a feeling. You belong to everything that belongs to your father. You belong in peace, joy, happiness, love, and so much more.
Below I share a group of quotes that encouraged me and will urge you to know that you belong where God has placed you.
Quotes On Belonging
The truth is: Belonging starts with self-acceptance. Your level of belonging, in fact, can never be greater than your level of self-acceptance, because believing that you’re enough is what gives you the courage to be authentic, vulnerable and imperfect. –Brene Brown
By building relations we create a source of love and personal pride and belonging that makes living in a chaotic world easier. –Susan Lieberman
Not belonging is a terrible feeling. It feels awkward and it hurts, as if you were wearing someone else’s shoes. – Phoebe Stone
That is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you’re not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong. – F. Scott Fitzgerald
If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other. – Mother Teresa
All in all,
God has placed you in certain circumstances and experiences for a reason. When we get so fixated on ideas and dreams about ourselves that are not our reality or don’t align with our path of who we are, then we purchase our tickets for the rollercoaster ride of anxiety and depression.
If you don’t get anything else from this post, I want you to understand that you belong here. Here on this earth, in God’s kingdom, your family, your church, in a loving relationship, and even the Made New Mama community. You are where you’re supposed to be, and nothing or no one can make you feel bad for showing up for yourself.
Things may not look how you want them, but you are on the journey to your future destiny. Be true to yourself and let anxiety/depression know that you will not be removed from where you belong, doing the things you love with the people you love.
If you are a single mom struggling with your sense of belonging, first seek professional counseling. If you need additional support, check out these blog post:
- 5 Reasons To Find A Supportive Church Home/Family For Single Moms
- 3 Tips For Dealing With Loneliness On Valentine’s Day
- 5 Secrets To Better Social Health : Healthy Single Moms
- How To Have An Amazing Social Life As A Single Mom With These 5 Strategies
- 5 Ways To Make New Friends That You Are Avoiding
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in love life:
Yes, such great reminders.