You may be wondering why I’m writing this post, but don’t worry. I have reflected a lot the last few months and finally got to the root of all my relationship woes. I write this post because confidence in relationships is so important. Not because of the benefits, but for the security and steadiness, it allows for relationships to be vibrant.
Have you ever been in a relationship with someone that doesn’t have an opinion, always seeking your approval, and just taking whatever is left? Well, I was this person, and it was the worst position to be in personally. But my journey with confidence goes a bit deeper. Hear me out…
- 1 5 Reasons Why Confidence In Relationships Is So Important
- 1.1 1. You will be whole and secure in yourself even if the relationship doesn’t last.
- 1.2 2. You will be a better communicator.
- 1.3 3. You will be more inclined to speak up in the event of mistreatment.
- 1.4 4. Confidence gives you a voice in the relationship.
- 1.5 5. It draws people to you in admiration or attraction. (Big win on this one!!!)
- 2 All in all,
- 3 Chyna Nicole
- 4 Related
My Confidence Story
I tell this story often, but it was the point in my life that I knew my confidence took a significant hit.
Just a ten-year-old girl excited about valentine’s day, waiting to give her crush the card she made for him. She was so nervous but courageous, and she gave it to him with an expectation of appreciation. But she received something different. Laughter, embarrassment, and humiliation met her that day. As He passed the card around and my peers cast shame, she could feel her heart, and her spirit gets crushed as if it was an ant under a steel toe boot. And at that moment, that level of courage and boldness in her was never seen again.
Well, that was a little dramatic, but you get the point.
We all have had a moment or experience in life that has chipped away at our confidence. These experiences leave us with little or no confidence as we pursue other relationships in the future. Maybe it wasn’t a guy; perhaps it was low blows from so-called friends, church family, or even your parents. These experiences affect us more than we know, mostly subconsciously.
But there is hope in regards to your confidence in relationships.
You can rebuild your confidence again. Yay!
It’s time to rebuild your confidence in relationships
We do not have to be defined by our low confidence. If your car was low on gas, do you sit there and allow it to get to E and stop running. No, we make the necessary stop at the gas station to be filled up again and ride smoothly again.
We have to take a moment to be by ourselves off the highway of relationship and refuel at the only source, God. And that is what I did; after that last failed relationship, it was time to fill up again.
Like some of us, we allow ourselves to run on E and never get the necessary tune-up for ourselves, making us break down every time we get on the relationship road. A lack of regular tune-ups will leave you unable to operate as you should and cause you a lot of time and mental health in relationships.
But enough of the analogies.
My goal in this post is to encourage you to make building your confidence daily a priority. Everything we do in this world requires us to have some type of relationship. Understanding the power of confidence in relationships will help you thrive in things such as:
- Expressing yourself, including your wants and needs.
- Being secure in yourself, no matter the state or outcome of the relationship.
- Give you the courage to ask for things that need to change.
- Allows you to set boundaries that not only protect yourself but provide an expectation for others.
- Being able to have authentic connection and intimacy with others without performing to please them.
Below I share five reasons why confidence in relationships is essential. Find which one will motivate you to start building or improving your confidence today.
5 Reasons Why Confidence In Relationships Is So Important
1. You will be whole and secure in yourself even if the relationship doesn’t last.
My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever. Psalm 73:26
Even though the relationship may or may not go as plan, we can count on God to be our strength and all we need to be whole.
2. You will be a better communicator.
If you speak to people in words they don’t understand, how will they know what you are saying? You might as well be talking into empty space. 1 Corinthians 14:9
Getting clear on who you are, what you allow, and what you will qualify for better communication with others. There will be no space for confusion and lack of understanding.
3. You will be more inclined to speak up in the event of mistreatment.
Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves; ensure justice for those being crushed. Yes, speak up for the poor and helpless, and see that they get justice. Proverbs 31:8-9
Some of us have experienced significant trauma in relationships and felt we couldn’t say what we wanted. But I urge you that confidence will allow you to speak up in injustice, unfairness, and manipulation.
4. Confidence gives you a voice in the relationship.
This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us. And if we know that he hears us—whatever we ask—we know that we have what we asked of him. 1 John 5:14-15
I learned over the years that embodying the confidence that God gives you provides you a seat at the table. Remember the level of confidence Jesus walked in, and everyone had to stop, listen and recognize.
5. It draws people to you in admiration or attraction. (Big win on this one!!!)
Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight. 1 Peter 3:3-4
Along the lines of the last point, people began to know, like, and trust you. Not because your beauty on the outside brings attention, but that you exude confidence from the inside. This level of wholeness brings authenticity and truth to the forefront of your everyday dealings. Your relationships thrive when you’re not hiding under a rock or behind a mask.
All in all,
The reasons I share with you are straightforward. Honestly, you don’t need a long explanation for each one because you know what you need to do to attract happier, healthier relationships in your life. I serve as your reminder of all the power, strength, and confidence that God has given you already.
Confidence is not an ego thing or a selfish characteristic. It serves as the rock and foundation to who you are and what you stand for. Furthermore, you will have days where you don’t feel confident, or a trigger may guide you to play small. Sis, know that you do not have to play small or be defeated by toxic relationships, including family, friends, and work.
As the great Ralph Waldo Emerson said,
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment.
If you are experiencing low confidence and would like more individualized support with improving it, I encourage you to reach out for a breakthrough chat.
If you are looking for a space to grow with other women pursuing better relationships with themselves, join our community of Confident Christian Single Mom Facebook Group of other single moms choosing to thrive.
