For Those Struggling To Accept Being A Single Mother in 2023

We all struggle with changes in our lives. Some of us ride the waves like a champ or drown in the middle of the storm. Yet, the biggest transition for a-lot of women recently has been the fact of being a single mother.

Recently, I had a young lady reach out to me in my inbox because she was struggling to accept the fact that she was transitioning in her relationship and now has become a single mom.

She struggled with accepting being a single mom and was curious how I was so welcoming and content with being a single mom.

So, I want to take some time to share the wisdom and the best advice I have to give to a new single mother.

How common is it to be a single mother?

I don’t know all the history and statistics of single motherhood. However, I know the number of single moms worldwide has grown triple-double over the last few decades.

I believe the spiritual attack on the family, as well as the economic changes and cultural trends in the world, is causing individuals to abandon the true essence of relationships and parenting.

The massive attack on marriage and the divorce rate is increasing by the minute. I also recognize the lack of conviction and indulgence in sins that align with what the Word warns us about.

In short, becoming a single mother is becoming as normal as going to the grocery store to get bread. Relationships are failing, interactions are unhealthy, and God’s principles and commands are being ignored.

The journey when I became a single mom was the latter. I knew of the things of God, but my behaviors did not match; I was so far gone when it came to men. I was trying to heal something in my own power that only God can heal.

Like the women at the well, Jesus talked to me and told me about my life. Yet, I didn’t heed in the way she did and continued to indulge in pleasures over obedience. Man,y of us are doing the same whether prioritizing our own happiness, doing whatever we want sexually without care of consequences, or allowing someone to remain in covenant with us that we saw the red flags long ago.

Of course, men have their responsibilities in this matter but we can only control ourselves. The path to single motherhood is a heart issue, but God is using those who repent and step up to be better for the children in ways that I couldn’t imagine.

How did I accept being a single mother?

I don’t feel like I have accepted being a single mother. I believe I have accepted that this is the season of my life that I am in, even though it was not God’s plan for my life.

I am learning to be content in every circumstance. I am learning to trust God, whether life is good or drowning in challenges.

Being a single mother is demanding, but it’s not impossible with God. Allow God to show you what he is doing in your life through your situation.

Identify where your blind spots are, ask for forgiveness, and grow in those areas. Being a single mother is not always something you will accept because some of us know we desire marriage, and some will be married in His timing.

The real question is, how do I forgive myself and others involved for getting here? How can I allow God to renew me in the this season? What is God trying to tell me and teach me now that I am in this season of single motherhood?

What are the effects of being a single mother?

The effects of being a single mother all depend on whether God is present on the journey or not. Many people will try to tell you now that you are a single mom, you will struggle emotionally and financially, and your children will fail.

All that is a lie from the enemy. Culture’s opportunity to keep you oppressed and far from your God-given purpose. You didn’t become the primary parent of your child by chance. You have something powerful in you to help steward the purpose in your children, despite your circumstance.

I’ve been a single mom going on 8 years now, and I have seen and experienced both extremes regarding response to the single mother journey.

I have been angry, bitter, and frustrated, but I’ve also been full of joy, forgiveness, and peace. The only difference was who was driving and who was in control of the wheel.

When I began to stop trusting my understanding and strength and allowing God to be my confidence, being a single mother and others’ view of single motherhood no longer had the same sting it had before.

So you can read Google and let Google speak over you with statistics and down-casting your quality of life. Or you can read the Word and let the promises of God speak over your journey as a single mom.

And you didn’t hear from me; God’s way is better. Let him be your rock, your salvation. Let Christ do a new thing in you, even in your single mom season.

Why is it so hard for some being a single mother?

I think the real reason why it’s so hard for some to be a single mother is because of the lack of self-awareness, repentance, and a radical responsibility that is required for some to be able to move forward in their life’s journey.

I believe our pride, ego, and lack of vulnerability keep us stuck in the past and block us from seeing a future as a single mom.

I remember struggling with idea that my life is over. I had all these plans for my life yet, failed to count the cost of my decisions and behaviors. When I was lying with that man, I had no mind for focus, purpose, or order; all I thought about was acceptance, approval, and pleasure.

Even after I had my daughter, I found myself in the same cycle. But it took intentionality, vulnerability with God, and a Christ-like community to help break that cycle. When I allowed God to tell me about myself and remove the fog, I could clearly see my situation, what He was doing, and the life Jesus has for me.

It’s not that single motherhood is hard. The world is a fallen world, full of sin, and does not have your best interest at heart. Cling to Christ, trust Him to be all you need, and allow God and the Holy Spirit to blow your mind.

So no, single motherhood is only as hard as you make it and that you allow the world to make it to be.

How do single moms cope emotionally?

I don’t have the recipe for surviving emotionally, but I know vital things helped me become emotionally intelligent and confident mentally and emotionally. Here are a few:

• Therapy, specifically trauma therapy, to unpack the emotional blocks from my past traumas and hurts.
• Writing helped me get my thoughts out of my head and my feelings on paper so I could fill myself back up with God’s promises and truths.
• Talking to those who were one step ahead of me. I had friends who were in the same place emotionally as me. Even though I love them for being supportive and great listeners, they were not helping me move forward. You need people in your life that will challenge you to move beyond where you are.
• Reading is vital because you will stay stuck in a place because of ignorance. So, I became a student and studied what I was struggling with emotionally and what I desired to be.
• Changing my mental soundtrack. I listened to songs that aligned with the changes I wanted to make or that repeated God’s truths over and over again. We spend most of our time in our minds, so it’s so important that we make sure it’s serving us and not harming our future.

How do single moms survive financially?

Now this area is still a work in progress for me. But through my journey, I have learned the dos and don’ts of single mom finances. A great deal began before becoming a single mother. Here are my tips:

• Know your money story. How did you grow up, and what was the conversation going around your home regarding finances?
• Work on your relationship with money. I met two amazing money coaches on my journey who are amazing resources in regards to unpacking and restoring your relationship with your finances. Their names are Katie Gibbons and Nishaea Richardson, check them out!
• Identify your toxic money habits and the pattern of poor money decisions in the past. Why do you spend your money in this way? What is the need or emotion driving these actions that keep you financially bound?
• Elevate your self. Whether with schooling, trainings, taking on opportunities at a new job or at your current job. Begin to see yourself as a leader. God has called us all to be leaders in some capacity in whatever marketplace or field He has called us to. Once you see yourself as He sees you despite your single mom status, you will start to see all the opportunities in front of you.

What is my biggest advice for someone having a hard time accepting their chapter of being a single mother?

My biggest advice for someone having difficulty accepting their chapter as a single mother is to let it go. It sounds harsh, but I am saying this from a place of love.

We can’t go back and change the past. We do not have control over where we are in the present or the people involved. But since we have not met our future yet, we still have a chance to set things straight.

The only way we can do this is through complete surrender, submission, and trusting God with everything that we are. Submitting our minds, emotions, our finances, our children, our relationships, our lives to Him.

Allowing Christ to come in and make us new through a process that glorifies Him and will also bless our children. So struggling to accept where you are is a tactic of satan and something he is struggling with as well. He wishes he could be God and tries to do everything but find himself still in limbo, which is where he wants you to be.

Allow God to take you from this place of limbo and bring you to solid ground with clarity and peace. Place your confidence in Christ and know you have the victory over single motherhood. God wants the best for you and has a plan to prosper you. But it requires you to come to Him and believe His word is true.

All in all,

I wasn’t afraid of the question she asked and I know God wasn’t either. Questions to God is received as curiosity and not doubt. When you ask, He answers. When you seek, He will allow you to find. And when you know knock, the door will be open.

All I ask is that you seek the kingdom of God, and everything else will be added unto you, including acceptance, clarity, and understanding of the season you are in as a single mother.

Rest in the fact that God has a plan even when life is not going as we expected or that He wanted for you long ago. His love for you and His relationship with you is more important than your relationship/parenting status. I pray you find courage, rest, and freedom in that.

Being a single mother is not a death sentence or the end of the world. For a lot of us, it is the beginning of our journey to getting closer and deeper to God. What will your single mother season look like?

Need help accepting your single mother season? Check out these resources:

• Keep Fighting Single Moms in 2023: Overcoming Struggles Of Single Motherhood
• 7 Ways Single Motherhood Improved My Life For The Better
• Encouraging Words For Single Moms From 6 Single Moms Past & Present
• 5 Changes To Make For Single Mom Success This Year
• 7 Habits Of A Highly Successful Single Mom
• For The Single Mom Who Thinks She’s Failing in 2023

You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in faith:

Chyna Nicole

Chyna is a Faith Blogger and Speaker at Made New Mama, where she uplifts and empowers single women and moms to stop hiding behind challenges and start living confidently in their relationships through faith. Check out resources here: https://www.madenewmama.com/store/

View all posts