The spirit of offense has kept many of us single moms from experiencing the fullness of what God requires of us in our walk with Christ. From the dirty looks to loud whispers to the distancing from us, we see many different attitudes directed toward us as single moms. These actions have caused many of us to leave our church home/family or isolate ourselves from relationships.
I’ve experienced all of the above, but I’ve also found my people an excellent place for my child to learn about God with other kids and grow in my potential as a woman of God and mom. This is why I am sharing my 5 reasons why single moms need a church home/family.
- 1 Don’t Leave Your Church Home
- 2 5 Reasons To Find A Supportive A Church Home/Family
- 2.1
- 2.2 You will be doing Christian life the way God intended.
- 2.3
- 2.4 You can receive the support you need through the church or fellow members.
- 2.5
- 2.6 You will grow in ways you couldn’t imagine.
- 2.7
- 2.8 You will learn to serve and love others.
- 2.9
- 2.10 You will find your tribe through your church home.
- 3 All in all,
- 4 Chyna Nicole
- 5 Related
Don’t Leave Your Church Home
Don’t roll your eyes at the introduction. I know everyone’s experience isn’t the same as mine. However, I know if you are intentional about experiencing the fullness of your life in Christ, you will bypass all the drama to find what you need.
As single moms, we do so much on our own without help from others. However, growing in your Christian walk and relationship with God should not be one of them.
I have been at my church going on 8 years now and I have seen many of my single moms leave, take a hiatus, or feel deprived of community there. I will be honest, too; I have wondered where I fit within my church home/community.
But I get fed spiritually at my church. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if I didn’t stay planted in my church home/family. Of course, there were times when I was rubbed the wrong way. I refused to allow my temporary feelings to uproot me from one of my greatest blessings under the spiritual leadership of Pastor Sean and Erica Moore at Faith Christian Center.
Ideal Church Home/Family For Single Mothers
Everyone’s unique spiritual needs are different but we all have universal needs when it comes to finding a church home/family. The list I share with you below is general but caters to what you need spiritually from your place of worship. Key needs for single mothers when it comes to a church home/family:
- Pastor and church leadings preaching and teaching the Word of God, not opinion.
- A welcoming community
- Thriving children’s ministry
- Supportive pastor or staff with untainted views of single motherhood
- Small group opportunities to meet other single mothers
- Opportunities to volunteer
- Classes or workshops that provide practical and applicable steps to better situation (like Financial Peace)
- Funds to help in emergency situations
- A church that practices generosity
- Connection to community resources (like food pantry and housing support)
These are just a few that I receive from my church. Not all churches will embody everything on this list. Some will lack in areas, but the most important is the first 3 bullet points.
Biggest reasons single moms leave their church home/family
Personally, I have never left a church home intentionally. Life always happened that caused me to shift from one physical church to another. However, I have never left the church, the body of Christ.
I found my current church home through my mother, who started months before I moved back to Arizona from Houston. During the transition period from my graduate school program to an internship, while also going through my first pregnancy, I was scared.
When I first started at my church, I was so reluctant to join in and really get planted. Luckily, I had an old teammate there who was also a single mom who had been attending church for a while. So that made my transition easier, but not everyone has that smooth of an experience when finding a church home.
Here are a list of reasons I’ve seen and heard from single moms as to why they left or didn’t remain at a church:
- They feel or felt judged, a continued stigma for single parents,
- Low opportunities to connect with other single moms.
- Lack of vision from a leader or conflicting visions between staff and members.
- Church felt like a social club more than community built on biblical truth and teaching.
- Little or no childcare offered.
- Are couples and marriages focused, leaving singles without proper resources and events.
- Feel invisible and lonely in a sea of other members.
- Lack of understanding and support for single parents.
- Low generational representation.
- Less time to get involved in church activities.
- Seeing church as a chore or place of pain, rather find fun somewhere else.
- Hypocrisy and not feeling safe.
All are valid reasons to want to rid yourself of a particular church home. But I would like to challenge you from a different perspective with these questions:
- Do you feel this way in other environments too? How do you deal with feelings of loneliness, judgement, and misunderstanding?
- Are you still hurting from previous church hurt or have not healed from the pains along your single mother journey?
- Have you tried to find other single mothers within your church or community?
- How have you prioritized your time thus far? Is your relationship with God and relationship with other believers really a priority to you?
- When was the last time you searched or asked around for a church that can teach sound biblical teaching and provide support with the spiritual growth of your child(ren)? There are more and more these days.
- Have you considered starting or being the solution for advocating the needs of single moms within your local church? Has God been nudging you to be a leader?
I really want you to reflect and think about all the times you were offended or unsatisfied with your current or previous church home. Be honest with yourself and not one-sided. Was it really the church home or were you lacking in areas that you were solely responsible for, not your church family? Just think about it.
Again, I am not invalidating your experiences or your feelings. In some situations, it is our lack of maturity that causes us not to handle normal church conditions well and leave us wanting to run/avoid those challenging experiences.
Because giving your life to Christ does not make everything easy and troubles are a thing of the past. No, there is a lot of pruning and growing that occurs so you can genuinely blossom in your life with Christ.
Below I share with you 5 reasons I believe Single Moms Need A Church Home/Family. I believe God wants you, single mom, to come home and join your family of believers again. He is providing identity, confidence, strength, peace, and healing to you, single mom, so that you can join the church in the battle for souls through relationship.
5 Reasons To Find A Supportive A Church Home/Family
You will be doing Christian life the way God intended.
We were never meant to follow Christ alone. Jesus made a point to always keep a group of trusted individuals around Him so that they can build relationship with each, protect, and serve together. The bible says:
And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrew 10:25 NLT
The eye can never say to the hand, “I don’t need you.” The head can’t say to the feet, “I don’t need you.” 1 Corinthians 12:21 NLT
Even though He gave us the Holy Spirit, through our relationship with each other, we are pleasing God. As a believer, my first and foremost goal is to please God and go out and multiply, whether with kids or through personal development.
You can receive the support you need through the church or fellow members.
Churches have a lot of demand on them. The church is the hospital for sick people, place of resource for those lacking, and a home for the lost. There are many needs that the church house has to address, and not every church will meet all your needs.
However, the church is so much bigger than the four walls and the small staff that tend to run them. Depending on what size the church is, many single moms join and begin to intentional seek relationships with discernment. And through relationships, whether with other moms, elders, or married couples, single moms can get their needs met, physically or financially.
Scripture reminds us in Mark 6, Matthew 10, and Luke 9 that if you are treated badly, not welcomed, or your voice is ignored, then dust yourself off and go find where you will be welcomed and supported. The scripture doesn’t always mean church hop, but to go on and find the people who see you for who you are.
You will grow in ways you couldn’t imagine.
When you find a quality church that is Word based and preaching from the truth, not opinion, you will grow. Getting into a church passionate about seeing you grow and blossom in every area of your life, which the Lord constantly intertwines.
A significant determining factor for me was a church with a healthy and growing children’s ministry. Finding a church where my daughter can learn the Word of God age appropriately but not watered down to encourage curiosity.
Through God’s principles and healthy teaching from a pastor/staff, we are able to be challenged, pruned, and transform into the women God made us to be. This is why a spiritual leader is very important to your spiritual health and help you grow as a disciple of Christ.
And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day wChrist Jesus returns. Philippians 1:6 NLT
You will learn to serve and love others.
This is a big reason single mothers should return to the church house and join a faith community. In relationship with others is where we learn to persevere and seasons through, so that we learn and receive what we need to adjust from our time with others.
When I started my church, I began serving as an usher and as a member in the bookstore. As the zeal wore off, I found myself struggling to stay faithful, consistent and excellent within the two role. I learned my tolerance, gifts, strengths, and weaknesses. But I also learned how challenging it is to commit myself to serving, forgiving, and providing love to those who need it the most.
We don’t know what love is until we have to accept God’s love through His son and experience it firsthand.
You will find your tribe through your church home.
I saved the best for last because it’s true. If we take the time to show up and get to know people at church, we can better weed out people. Finding your tribe at church is significant and necessary.
And for some single moms, finding people you can grow with and trust can sometimes feel like casting lots. But know that God wants solid relationships and decides who would fit you well.
We may throw the dice, but the LORD determines how they fall. Proverbs 16:33 NLT
Meeting people and navigating your search for a proper church home/family sometimes feels like you are gambling. However, in God’s safety, protection, and other children, you can get connected with amazing people that will be down for you in this new faith-filled season of your life.
Finding tribe make require you rearranging or ending friendships from years ago to make room for better. Some ways you can begin to put this reason into action is by staying after church to mingle, spark conversation with other parents in the children’s area, join a small group, or lead a small group that meets your needs as a single mother too.
All in all,
God has done amazing things by providing me with a supportive church home/family that is next level. I pray this post has encouraged you to stick it out or and find the church home for you.
I will also encourage you to pray to God regarding the church home/family He has for you. I heard a girl one time that God led her to either google or drive down a street she doesn’t usually drive down. She felt an unction to look up to her right and saw the church. She visited and never left.
God can and will do these same things for you too. Lean on Him, put your confidence in Him, and lean not to your own understanding or past experiences. God wants to do a new thing in you regarding your church home and faith community. Let Him!
Need continued support with finding a church home and navigating challenges in a church?
Check out these blog post:
- How To Respond When Your Child Doesn’t Want To Attend Church
- 12 Tips To Begin Leading Yourself In Life
- 7 Truths To Live By As A Christian Single Mom
- How Trusting God Can Help With Your Anxiety Around Relationships
- How To Be Brave: Uncover Your Strength With God In 3 Ways (+Free Scripture Study)
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in confidence:
