Hey ladies, It’s been a while since I posted, by it was all for a good reason. I was in the midst of what I call a whirlwind last week, causing anxiety around relationships. I was preparing for the speaking engagement I had last weekend, and life was hitting left and right with helping my mom with an ill family member, getting adjusted to a new work style, having to move out in a short time, and looking low financially. All to say, anxiety was high, but at that moment, trusting God helped with my anxiety around relationships (with home, work, finances, and family.)
Putting Her First Spiritual Spa Conference
So this past weekend, my new friend Gigi of Inspiring.Her and Inspiring Trees Of Hope Inc. completed her First Annual Putting Her First Spiritual Spa Conference in Henderson, Nevada, at Lake Las Vegas. I had the honor to be the afternoon Keynote speaker for this fantastic one-day conference.
I met so many women, started significant conversations with outstanding leaders, made friends, and even inspired some ladies in the process. We had extraordinary, intimate breakout sessions and even a fancy black and white ball supporting Lupus to cap the night.
Anxiety Around Relationships
During my keynote, I had the opportunity to speak on a topic that I know so well: relationship anxiety. The speech title was ” Get Off The Ride, Sis: How to navigate anxiety in your relationships.” And boy was I nervous! But I knocked it out of the park, according to the feedback I received from so many ladies that day, and I had fun doing it!
But I promised in my speech that I would share the takeaways and scriptures that I didn’t get to share in the session with everyone due to time ( apparently, I’m long-winded a bit, LOL). So below, you will find key points, takeaways, and supporting scripture that I shared this past weekend!
How Trusting God Can Help With Your Anxiety Around Relationships
Anxiety is something that I know so well. I have dealt with anxiety as early as I could remember. But my experience did not come from trauma, but it stemmed from not understanding my God-given makeup. I am a highly sensitive person, so I experience things and this world differently than most. Growing up in a society that doesn’t uplift, root for, and empower sensitive children, my social anxiety became my silent killer. Killer of my confidence, ability to connect, and genuinely have healthy relationships as I grew older.
Anxiety is not limited to trying something new. When we are trying something new, we are just anxious. But when those feelings and thoughts of doubt, worry, free, stress become unmanageable and impact your home life, work, and relationships, then it becomes the issue of anxiety.
Anxiety is more prevalent in relationships now more than ever. We just underwent a pandemic that changed the way we socialize and do relationships for good. So many had relationships fall apart, and some had relationships that blossomed in 2020. But one thing for sure is that the growing division between mask/no mask and vaccination/unvaccinated creates social anxiety that many of us, especially high sensitive individuals, despise.
Key Points:
I tend to relate my anxiety experience to a roller coaster ride. Coming in the following different phases:
- Excitement/Nervousness/Stress
- Worry
- Doubt/Insecurity
- Fear
- Reality
We experience this in relationships, especially romantic ones—the ups and downs of an emotional rollercoaster ride.
I also shared a relationship story with the ladies that had me stepping to God in the wrong way, and He got me right. Like in 2 Corinthians 12:8, I began begging God to take the desire of love and marriage away from me as I was tired of putting in effort and still falling short. And the Lord came for my life!
He said:
- Why are you trying to control your relationships?
- You don’t know what you need. And you haven’t spent enough time with yourself to even be close to understanding what a God-ordained love and relationship is.
- You haven’t asked me anything. How do you want me to step in where you don’t invite me?
God got me all the way right!
So my scripture that I hold to when navigating my anxiety is:
Casting all your cares [all your anxieties, all your worries, and all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares about you [with deepest affection, and watches over you very carefully]. 1 Peter 5:7 AMP
There is something about casting your cares on Him that lessens the power of anxiety, removing it from the pedal stool of our minds. Through my therapy journey and growth journey, I learned that healing started when I decided to discover how God perceives anxiousness. And through the Word, I was able to see Anxiety for what it is, made up in my mind, and now I have the power to overcome relationship anxiety once and for all.
Practical Tips For Stopping Anxiety When It Starts
You can’t always control what goes on outside. But you can always control what goes on inside.” -Wayne Dryer
Tip #1: Breathe, Sis!
Anxiety attacks the body first: Do what healthily calms your mind and body. Step away!
Tip #2- Make A Choice, Sis!
God has given us the power to choose. Choose how you are going to handle your thoughts and worries. How far this anxiety will go. Are you going to live by truth or scenarios? Nurturing your confidence for making decisions, saying no, and honoring yourself or the relationship at the moment is a way you can strengthen your power over anxiety.
Tip #3: Let Go, Sis!
Content is not about settling, but it’s about being unbothered no matter what. Contentment separates you from the outcome, reduces the opportunity for your identity to get lost in the results. Practice happiness daily as anxiety typically thrives when we overthink, try to control the future, and stress about the outcome.
The Secret Sauce
Anxiety likes to make us feel weird, different, and a problem to others. Wants to isolate ourselves from others so we can’t be hurt, found out, or rejected. At that moment, we are hurting ourselves, dishonoring our uniqueness, and rejecting ourselves.
Last but not least, I know you all have been waiting on the secret sauce, and I’m telling you it’ll put a good burger, chick fil sauce to shame.
The Secret Sauce to OVERCOMING Relationship Anxiety is to TRUST GOD!
Trust in the Lord with all your heart; do not depend on your own understanding. Proverbs 3:5Trust in the Lord always, for the Lord God is the eternal Rock. Isaiah 26:4
Trust that God will:
- Guide your steps in the unknown.
- Isaiah 50:10
- Provide you with your reward.
- Isaiah 49:4
- Be your safe place.
- Psalms 91:2
Trust in God brings:
- New strength.
- Isaiah 40:31
- Joy and peace, confidence, boldness, and hope.
- Roman 15:13
- Enjoyment.
- 1 Tim 6:17
- Beauty to you.
- 1 Peter 3:5
- An unbothered state.
- Psalms 112:7
- No Shame
- Romans 10:11
Takeaway
So in closing, we know relationship anxiety is a thing. But it does not have to be the thing that robs you of joy, peace, freedom, and love in your life. Take the necessary steps that will help you be anxious for nothing. Write Philippians 4:6-7 in your heart and show gratitude.
Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything. Tell God what you need, and thank him for all he has done. Then you will experience God’s peace, which exceeds anything we can understand. His peace will guard your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.
You have a choice in the matter. Cast your cares to God, lean on those that will help you break down the walls that anxiety builds, and finally allow for peace to live in your heart and mind. Remember, Anxiety is a freeloader, and Peace will go above and beyond to pay the rent. Who would you want to live with within your house?
All in all,
I shared this not to be the solution but to inspire each woman attending the conference to be their solution. If it’s the therapy you need, do it. The practical tips I shared in this post work for you, then do it. If you need to spend more time in the Word, then do it. And always recite this in your mind on the journey:
IT”S TIME TO RECLAIM MY PEACE! MY GOD IS BIGGER THAN ANXIETY! I AM HIS DAUGHTER! AND ANXIETY YOU BETTER RECOGNIZE!
If you have trouble overcoming relationship anxiety, I encourage you to reach out for a breakthrough chat.
If you are looking for a space to grow with other women pursuing better relationships with themselves, join our community of Confident Christian Single Mom Facebook Group of other single moms choosing to thrive.
