How To Respond When Your Child Doesn’t Want To Attend Church

dIt’s Sunday morning and you’re in the best mood getting ready for church. Your praise and worship music is blasting, you pick out an outfit that not only looks good on you but honors God.

Breakfast is made and church is only just an hour or so away. When you go to wake up your child(ren) to get ready, you are greeted with the dreaded…

I Don’t Want To Go To Church!!!!!

Calm down MAMA CHYNA!

Number 1: Don’t take it personal!

I had to learn this about myself. Lord knows that being on fire for Him can consume you from time to time. The fire that makes you want to involve everyone in the growth you’re making.

But you can’t always think that everyone will show the same excitement for what it is that you are excited for. This includes your children in this statement as well.

 Church Love

So I have been with my church going on five years come June as I began attending 4 months before the birth of my baby girl.  There have been so many ups, downs, and transitions in the process but one thing I know is that I have grown tremendously.

Avah started attending the children’s ministry at the tender age of 3-months-old ( Yes, I struggled to leave her at that age for just an hour and a half, the new mom blues).  So I’ve been taking her to church for quite some time practically every Sunday, most Wednesdays, and any events on Fridays or Saturdays.

I remember when my mom first gave her life to Christ and began serving I was always at church to the point in my late teens, I started to choose not to go when she went ( in my rebellious state). If only I knew what I knew now…SMH!

I probably broke my mom’s heart so many times when I refused to go to church but she can praise him now for the manifestation of so many prayers she’s had about my heart toward the church. So I was reminded when I was getting Avah ready for church and those words came out of her little 4-year-old mouth:

” I DON’T WANT TO GO TO CHURCH!”

Even though it hurt me initially, I understood what she was coming from and began to think of ways to show her the benefits of spending time in a faith community.

The bible says:

Train means to teach, provide proper development, and prepare for war.

Thinking back to when I was a teen, my biggest hinderance was my lack of understanding. I did not understand why going to church was so important for growth, community, and progression in the faith journey. As a 4 yr old, I don’t expect her to understand so I have to break it down into her language.

Some ways I processed this:

I had to live everything I expect for her to learn about faith at home.

This was a big one because I needed to model all aspects of living a life of faith. I began to listen to solely christian music in the car, watch more faith-based movies, and let her see me pray, read my bible, and worship in front of her more.

I had to understand how being at every church event can be taxing on a child.

So when I began to fully dedicate my life to Christ again, I was so down to volunteer and be at every event. After a while I used to get the same looks from her that I used to give to my mom. However, understanding as a mom you can be all for the church mission even when you’re not at the event.

I had to develop a better understanding of the importance of relationship in the faith community for myself.

Even though I wanted Avah to understand the importance of church so bad, I didn’t have a full understanding myself. I had to go back to the Word about why it’s important to gather with other believers. As I studied, I was better equipped to share with her why it was good for us to go to church.

And let us not neglect our meeting together, as some people do, but encourage one another, especially now that the day of his return is drawing near. Hebrews 10:25

In the process of all of this, I had to figure out a way to talk about the faith where she would understand. So I came up with questions and responses to have open dialogue and learn more about what’s going on in my child’s little mind.

Ways To Respond When Your Child Doesn’t Want To Attend Church

Below, I put together a list of responses and questions that could be made to your child’s statement without affecting their view on faith and the church:

•  Why don’t you want to go to church?

Just ask why. There is so much we can learn by asking why. That is why your children drive you crazy at their young age asking you why about everything.

• Did something happen at church to make you feel this way?

I always like to ask this question because there are times when irresponsible things happen. I want to make sure I know what is going on with and to my child. So I am able to properly address any concerns with the right people.

• What don’t you like about going to church?

Asking what they don’t like about church helps you to better understand their needs. It also helps you understand what may be frustrating them or intimidating them.

• Do you understand why mommy goes to church?

I love this question because it allows me to be vulnerable and share my story with my child. I feel as though I have a seat at the table of my child, therefore allows me to influence them in the appropriate way through transparency.

• You don’t have to go to church to be loved by God. But He does encourage us to make new friends that will help us in our journey.

This statement allows you to engrain in your child the concept of unconditional love. Help them understand that works does not earn us love but God likes when all his loved ones get together in His name.

• What are some good things that happen when you go to church?

Like most of us, we sometimes have to return our focus on the positive rather than the negative of things. Same holds true for your children.  I had to remind my child of the things they’ve enjoyed in the past when they were at children’s church.

A church with children is a growing church.

My church has an awesome children’s ministry that put the Sunday school I had when I was young to shame. They do a very good job teaching and keeping church exciting for the kids. Shoutout to Kidz World!

However, it is not their job to plant and water the seed of faith in our children. Not to put pressure on you, but it is our responsibility to steward and nurture our children.

All in all, it hurts when my offspring doesn’t feel the excitement that I feel about going to church. But it’s also an indicator of gaps I need to fill. I grew my own understanding to be able to answer the questions my child might have about Faith.

Understand mama. You will be the first representation of Jesus that your child(ren) will encounter. What do you want them to understand about Jesus through you? – Chyna Nicole

No pressure, but remember success is where preparation and opportunity meets. Just in time for Easter Sunday! Even though all church services are online right now (which is convenient). One day, we will set foot back into the  church building and you may encounter this response. Know that you got this mama with grace and mercy!

Hope this post blesses at least one mama!  Comment and share your experiences below.

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Chyna Nicole

Chyna is a Faith Blogger and Speaker at Made New Mama, where she uplifts and empowers single women and moms to stop hiding behind challenges and start living confidently in their relationships through faith. Check out resources here: https://www.madenewmama.com/store/

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