I remember a time of single-ness when I was a part of a group of women dating and looking forward to the potential of getting married. Creating a sisterhood that stemmed from the guys we were in relationship with was perfect timing.
As time progressed, relationships progressed. However, my relationship did not go the way I wanted it to. And one day, while everyone else was getting engaged, my relationship ended.
Sounds like a great, sad christian single mom twist to a happy married story????
It was more like a breakthrough to help me as a christian single mom to become a better woman, of God.
For most single moms, we often start off hopeful that God will move in a mighty way regarding our own love life.
Focused on getting close to God, but subconsciously, becoming angry and frustrated that it’s not happening as years pass by. Like the meme, many of my friends start to ask me if I have any prospects yet. Um no…i’m focusing on me!
Thank God for growth.
I used to be that girl. And I say that because I know that those emotions no longer have the power to distract me and keep me in bondage regarding my love life.
But I digress…
What matters most is that…
During this time of dating and having the taste of possibly being on a journey toward marriage, I met a great group of women who I began to develop great relationships with. We are still friends to this day. While everyone else ended up getting married, I did end back at square one but for good reason.
God’s plan is greater than our plan.
I don’t want you to think that I am sad about it. I was for about a month, but with any other thing that left or ended in my life, I always moved forward.
Starting on that day, I forgot what was gone. and began to appreciate what still remained. I began looking forward to what was coming next.
Even though the relationship ended, I received a great group of sisters in Christ in the process. Often times, we may feel if others are progressing ahead of us in a certain area and feel that we can no longer connect with them. But that is far from the truth. My relationship with these women have opened my eyes to the bias within myself regarding marriage and have given me wisdom for a phase in my life that will come in God’s timing.
We all can get to this place.
The reason I wanted to share some tips with you all is because I know other single moms who are dealing with similar emotions. Trying to get back on the path but feeling left behind due to the hiccups from the past. But I want to let you know, when God says not right now for you, that doesn’t mean never.
Below are 3 tips I want to share to my fellow Christian Single Moms regarding navigating a world and church home filled with married women. As you read, you will experience some unpleasant emotions or funny turns in your tummy. Those sensations are the Holy Spirit challenging you through my words, let it happen. Your spirit, your mind, and your soul deserves a break.
3 Tips for the Christian Single Mom surrounded by Married Women
Avoid comparison.
This topic is the first because it’s the most important. It’s so easy to see people’s blessings and accomplishments and become saddened by their advancement in an area you desire so bad.
I heard a wise woman say once ” stop comparing your insides to other peoples outsides.” You have no idea what some is going through or whether they did things never done before to prepare for the season they are in now.
It was so easy for me to fall into this because I started dating at the same time as the other women. But I ended up being the odd ball out of the bunch that didn’t last. When you’re in the middle of it, it’s hard to see the lessons and blessings.
With reflection, I knew that I wasn’t ready for marriage or even being in a relationship. Sometimes God allows us to make that wrong decision to get a point across to us regarding our focus and child-like understanding.
Focus on the benefits of singleness.
Paul says it best, in paraphrase, “it’s better for her to stay single”. He was providing counsel, sharing how a woman will be tied to her husband for the rest of her life until death. So it was like he was secretly telling her to be more careful in her decision on who she will marry.
Single-hood is not a death sentence. God finds that when we are single, we have more time to focus on Him. We are provided more time to seek out His will and purpose for our life.
You can use this time to learn more about yourself and get confident in what you want out of your next relationship. I failed to execute in this one area because I was priding myself on going with the flow; which got me in trouble every time. God has called us to live intentionally.
Don’t get me wrong. Being single is hard in itself and you add children on it, you can feel very lonely at times. But if you fix your sights on God and your purpose, you won’t have time to feed into loneliness. Loneliness who???
Try to create relationships with the married women
There are situations where single moms have had difficulty befriending married women because of the stigma associated with our status. Those women are not the ones I would want to start a relationship with.
Find women in your volunteering department or in the children department that seem genuine and non-judgmental of your situation as a single mom. Understand that everyone has a story but it’s not your job to make someone feel comfortable in your presence, don’t put that burden on yourself.
Find women that are willing to share their wisdom and understand where you have been. I have befriended so many married women who I later found out were single moms prior to marriage. So, hope is not lost.
These relationships are not all about what they can do for you but leads to opportunities that you can pour into them as well. Many of my married friends have not had children yet, so I can be a voice of wisdom to them regarding the motherhood journey. Which I love to talk about!
I love my married friends!
They are probably going to get me for posting these photos. But I want them to know that they are appreciated. They make me better. Especially my best friend on the left, who has been growing alongside me since high school.
All in all, I encourage you to re-evaluate your thoughts and beliefs around married women and your single mom experiences. Use discernment and pray for who God wants you to connect with. But in the meantime, find joy and contentment in your single motherhood. I know it’s a journey, I’m working on my own daily.
Below share your comments and questions regarding your own journey. Pray this post blesses at least one mama.
Inspiring post! We’re all following our own paths and on a different schedule. Comparison is so harsh and misleading– we don’t really know what others are going through. I’ve had to learn this lesson. Glad you’re in a good place with great friends.