I know the church is not full of perfect people, but I feel as though some things should be addressed regarding our interactions with single mothers like myself. You may not know it or realize it but there are individuals who chose judging single mothers over providing support or even taking the time to get to know them.
No, I am not after your Husband.
No, I am not here to damage the idea of the family structure. Please stop believing this about me.
No, I am not in church to find my child(ren) a father.
Die to this idea that single mothers are here on this earth to cause havoc. We seek churches for healing and support as sometimes we don’t know where else to turn.
Just like you, we’re dealing with a myriad of emotions, challenges, and trials. And majority of the time we are dealing with it alone.
What single moms are struggling with:
- Fear, anxiety, depression, guilt, and shame
- Financial instability, work frustrations
- Parenting difficulties
- Isolation, loneliness and distrust: lacking friends and healthy relationships
- Decreased physical health
- Limited or no peace
Judging single moms feed into some other the dark areas of struggle. Just be aware of your interactions with a single mom. We don’t need you to tip-toe around us, we just ask that you be intentional about developing your social intelligence.
What most single moms seek is:
Direction
Knowing where to start on this new journey or how to navigate the constant changes and need for change.
Support/Education
Resources, resources, resources! How can she get the help she needs?
Healing/Growth
Being a single mother/parent can be a great deal of stress. Doing something that was originally designed for two people and a village to do can be exhausting and send you on an emotional and spiritual rollercoaster.
Community
We just want to know that we’re not alone and can call on people for physical, mental, and social support. Develop relationships that help mentor and advise me in the things of God. It elicits a feeling of safety.
Without good direction, people lose their way;
the more wise counsel you follow, the better your chances. Proverbs 11:14
I’m not going to be naive as there are some bad apples in the bunch. But anyone you know who is considered an outcast have the same deep desires to be known and to be loved fully.
Most times due to our sinful acts being visibly manifested with our beautiful gifts from God than our single (non-parent) counterparts, we are often judged before people even get to know our story.
I don’t know how many times I’ve had to deal with the side-eyes and the snard looks from single women and married women alike as if my life has offended them. Judging single mothers won’t protect you, it will expose you.
We already have enough to deal with, we don’t have time to manage the responses of others to our life. But I’m not going to act like it doesn’t bother me or get to me when I am trying to join a faith community.
Beyond the rant of judging single moms…
There is one thing I want you to know, we are women just like you, trying to find our way through our experiences and circumstances. The judgement we feel and experience has to stop. Ask me about my story, ask about my day, ask about what I might need. But don’t, I REPEAT, don’t assume my intentions are to steal, kill, and destroy.
Know that most single moms did not plan to be a single mom. They had to or was forced to make this choice for the sake of their children. I do admit our relationships usually have flaws and there are deeper issues but we all have things to work on. Single moms are looking for transformation and with God is where our true change happen.
Single and The Church
When coming to God, before most moms connect to God fully, we experience the church first (the body/people). Where the body of christ should be a bridge, it ends up being a border wall that see us (single moms) as terrorist or immigrants. We’re not asking you to agree with our life, but show some grace.
In conclusion, if you are a single mom and been dealing with this judgement/isolation, pray to God for the healing of your heart towards others and for that what ever is causing them to feel a certain way about you to be resolved. If you are someone who has been judging single mothers that you know, take the time to reach out to them to connect, understand their journey, and see how you can be of help.
The book above breaks this down
DO NOT USE THIS AS AN OPPORTUNITY TO GET DIRT ON THE MOM TO GOSSIP! That’s when we begin to have trust issues. So if a single mom does not open up right away, know that we are still trying to heal. Just be consistent in your authentic pursuit to create relationship and continue to check in on them.
Here’s a list of 25 ways you can serve a single mom from The Life of a Single Mom.
What are 3 things you can implement in the next month to help? Or as a single mom, in what ways can you began to serve another single mom to create your judgement-free community?
Feel free to comment below and share with those who need to receive this. Don’t forget to subscribe to Made New Mama for weekly updates. Hope this post blesses at least one mama!
Supportive Blog Post:
- 4 Truths Single Moms Want Their Support System To Know
- 5 Amazing Benefits Of Being A Single Mom
- Dear Single Mom: A Letter Of Encouragement and Connection
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in relationships:
This is a powerful post! I’m so sorry if you’ve experienced any of this your self. I for one, never judge moms. Everyones life is different and we all need to be more excepting and loving! More supporting and less judging and shaming for sure!!
Thank you for your comment and understanding. The idea of co-existing is foreign to the times we are in now.
My mom was a single mom and I saw how hard it was for her. I would never judge a single mom.
Thank you for your honesty. As more and more single parents arise these days, the response of love and support has increased. The idea is that even if you don’t agree with the life, still show grace and mercy, like Jesus.
You have so many excellent points in this post. Single moms do need support, not judgment! I love the verses you included. It’s not the church’s place to be a border, but to help you find the way!
Yes! As the church has a responsibility, we as single mothers have to do our part too. We have to heal. Thanks for your comment.
I dont think it is our job not to judge anyone. Only God can judge.
Hopefully, i’m reading your comment right. The purpose of this post was not to condemn anyone but to encourage others to understand the single mother journey and to encourage connection/communication rather than make assumptions. Remember, we are made in his image, so we have the tendency to overstep in our authority as sons/daughters of God at times which is flesh-born. Thanks for commenting.
I was raised by a single mom and she was the best mom I could have ever had! Single moms are so wonderful
It’s crazy how so easily we can get so caught up in our own emotions about our motherhood journey but we don’t ask the person(s) directly impacted by us, OUR KID(S). Thank you for your comment.
Wow I love this post so much! Thank you for sharing this! Single moms need people around them to help keep their heads above water and not make them feel judged. Love this!
Thank you for your comment. The head above water is exactly what it’s like. My goal is to let mothers know that there’s more. There’s a hand reaching to bring you all the way above water and His name is Jesus.
Thank you for sharing. I don’t know many single moms, but the few that I do know I’ve never judged or shamed because I know that they aren’t single by choice. At the end of the day, it really isn’t my business.
Thank you for your honesty and for taking the time to read my post.
Thanks for sharing. There really is a lot of judgment on single women and moms especially. It’s a tough place to be.
One thing i have learnt since becoming a single mum is ‘the world is going to judge you, no matter what you do’
I have the utmost respect for single mothers because I have a husband and we still struggle so hard off to you for being able to manage alone. You express some valid points on ways we can be more supportive and not reinforce negative experiences of single mothers.
Whenever I encounter a single mom i have nothing but admiration and respect! I hate to think that with everything else they are juggling, they have to deal with extra judgement as well…
I was a single mom for a few years. It was tough and I am not sure how well I could have coped with no support!! We need to really just be kind to one another.
Judging anyone period should end. Growing up in a single house hold made me The strong women I am today. Single married or divorced were all strong women. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you for sharing this article with me. It helped me a lot and I love it.