I laughed so hard when writing this post, and the meme doesn’t make it any better. I don’t know how often I’ve let these words come out of my mouth, but a sugar daddy won’t solve your problems.
“All I need is a sugar daddy.”
“I just need a rich husband.”
The funny thing is that I’m not the only woman who has ever felt this way. I’ve seen this posted repeatedly in various women-specific and mom-specific Facebook groups. But when you’re in the moment, you never realize how damaging those statements are to your own mindset, emotional wellness, and spirit. Let’s break this down.
What do you really mean?
I had to step back and see the motive, emotions, and beliefs behind wanting a sugar daddy. This is what I found to be the culprit:
- A feeling of helplessness in the current situation
- An unconscious belief that riches and being able to provide is for men only
- Frustration with exhaustion
- Wanting to be lazy due to discontentment
Why are we at this point?
Helplessness.
The inability to defend oneself or to act effectively. Where does this feeling come from? How do we get to the point of inability? Sometimes we’ve done all we could with nothing left to give, so we look to external things, like a sugar daddy, to better our situation.
In other times, that’s just how we’ve seen others respond to similar circumstances, and that’s just what we know. But you know what that does? It keeps us stuck and paralyzes our ability to move forward.
Men are the financial providers.
Men are not banks. Some passages in the Bible establish men as the provider (1 Tim 5:8). This article gives a nice list regarding men’s responsibility, but nowhere does it state to save a woman from her circumstances. Understanding this means we’re seeking a man as we should seek the Heavenly Father.
In addition, we often miss the parts of the bible and in a society where the woman was responsible for bringing stability to the household. For example, Proverbs 31 states that a woman is an epitome of a woman bringing value to her family/home.
Frustration/Exhaustion.
I know this all too well, and I’m sure you do too. We do so much for our families and jobs, which takes a great deal of energy from us, including neglecting our personal time daily. We feel that if someone could come in and take half of the load or make it rain, things would be much easier, and we would finally find rest.
Laziness.
Having the ability to do but no motivation to exert or engage inactivity. Sometimes it can often be disguised as procrastination the stalling.
The same syndrome causes us not to take responsibility and let someone else powerfully take the load. No longer having a vision, a purpose, or goal and just riding life without paying the fare. Feeling discontentment but choosing not to step up and do anything about it.
How can we change this?
Responsibility is accepting that you are the cause & the solution of the matter. -Anonymous
Every time you feel yourself getting to this point of wanting a man to be your way of escape and experiencing these emotions, ask yourself why. When you figure out you are why, ask yourself, what can I do about it?
We are more powerful than we believe. We forget that our identity is made in God’s image (Gen 1:27). Do you think God is looking for someone else to do all that he does for you? He may use vessels to get it done, but He’s not relying on them to bring His will to pass.
Internal dialogue
What can I do in my power and strength to improve my financial situation or circumstance? What unnecessary spending or expenses can I remove to feel like I’m not living paycheck to paycheck? Why haven’t I started making a budget? But also, have I prayed about my situation yet? Have I taken the time to invite God into this part of my life? Who can I ask to help me?
Don’t get me wrong. I pray about my future husband being able to provide for our family. Still, I refuse to put all the pressure on him, not doing anything to help on my end and giving a man full authority over my livelihood. Think about the price you pay as you put a dollar amount on yourself and get sold to the highest bidder.
Wisdom
You may say it’s not that deep, Chyna. But it is! That behavior/statement started as a belief, turned into a thought, transformed into emotions, and manifested as words out of your mouth. We have to be careful and increase our self-monitoring related to what we profess.
The power of life and death lies in the tongue (Prov 18:21). But what seems like an innocent, joking statement may be why you are still in your current state.
All in all,
This post only scratches the surface, but there are deeper elements that only you can heal to overcome. When you reach that road of readiness to transition for the better, I am here for you.
If you are already at that place, I’d love to connect with you. Share your thoughts below in the comments. Connect via email or social media; see the contact page.
I pray this post will bless at least one mama.
