I am laughing at the title so much because these words have never come out of my mouth before. But I thought it would be the catchy title to reel you in. Truth is: cuffing season is well underway, and for some, there will be cuffing; for others, we will develop healthy, long-lasting relationships, and for the rest of us, we won’t get pursued at all. I have been the queen of the latter for the past 5 years. But how to be confident being single when everyone else is getting boo’d up, engaged, or married.
- 1 Why are we talking about being single during gratitude month?
- 2 Which season should we follow: cuffing season or God’s season?
- 3 Being Single God’s Way
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- 6 How to build your confidence daily to help you remain focused while your’re single?
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- 8 [ecwid_product id=”475479477″ display=”picture title price options addtobag” version=”2″ show_border=”1″ show_price_on_button=”1″ center_align=”1″]
- 9 All in all,
- 10 Chyna Nicole
- 11 Related
Why are we talking about being single during gratitude month?
Great question! If you get around any circle of people especially Christian single women, the topic of deep desire to get married will come up at least once. If not wanting marriage, there is a strong desire of at least having healthy companionship.
But when those things don’t come to past, the enemy has a way of trying to manipulate us into being the opposite of what we are suppose to be when things don’t go our way, which is content and grateful.
We often fall into a space of entitlement with a hint of toddler trantrum.
But we are reminded in Ephesians that everything outside of thanksgiving postpones our inheritance and blessings. Yet, we find ourselves not showing as much gratitude as we should and living confident being single. So I thought we should cover being both moving forward.
Which season should we follow: cuffing season or God’s season?
I know the world likes to make things trendy and since we live in the world, we kind of get sucked in to the trends at times. But you have to remember we are set apart; in the world but not of it. If you even have to ask the question, you know where you stand.
The part I do not like about cuffing season is that it is superficial, temporary, and detrimental in the long run. Whereas in actuality, we desire something healthy, intimate, and long lasting. Cuffing season is rooted in a service and not the heart, being used and picked up to meet an immediate need. That’s not what we want. But God knows what we ultimately need.
God’s season for you is where you should be. What did He ask of you in this season? Should you focus on getting whole? healing old hurt? starting to date? taking a relationship to the next level? or focus on friendships? developing in your purpose? Whatever it is, you should be in His will for you, not what everyone is doing. Everything that looks fun and prosperous from afar is actually that up close.
If you do choose to start dating this winter, keep these in mind:
- Make sure you are not just doing this to avoid what you need to work on within yourself.
- Go in with a plan, do not just date to date but with an end in mind.
- Get support or a community that will keep you on the straight and narrow, avoid leaving yourself open to be used and abused.
- Remember you are amazing, loved, and valued no matter the outcome or lack of outcomes during this season in your life.
- You must talk to God about each person you come across so He can help you discern who are and are not for you in the end.
I wanted to remind you of these because when you get the courage to step out and start dating, your confidence is challenged automatically whether you have high self-esteem or low self-worth. The enemy also tries to trip you up when you are not dating or having any prospects too. So this is why I encourage you to build yourself when you have the space and time to do so in your singleness, than to get out there and find yourself looking for a way of escape.
Here are some resources and supports that can keep you confident being single while dating:
- Read these supportive blog post from yours truly: Questions to ask yourself before dating//Dating yourself//Confidence in relationships // Finding father figures
- Register for the Dating Remix: A Healthy Dating Workshop For Women by Divorce Recovery Coach, April Nowlin. Register for virtual sessions here.
- Follow these dating experts on instagram: Coach Abby // Shantelle DateStruck // April Nowlin // TheOneUniversity
- Get you a dating coach or someone you can trust to help guide you through dating in a healthy way.
But if no dating/relationship is on the table for you, I want to share with you how to be confident being single; especially when everyone around you is getting boo’d up.
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Being Single God’s Way
What does it look like when we say “confident being single?
Some people have their different ways of what it should look like, so I want you to find what it looks like for you. But God shares few tips with us through those he have chosen to write the bible to remind us of the benefits and blessings of singleness. He also lets us know that he knows how hard it can be too for some of us and that he sees us all.
I wrote a blog post about characteristics of a confident woman, but I will share a few with you here.
A confident single woman looks like:
- A woman that knows that her desires do not dictate who she is and her value.
- A woman that knows that God has hope and future for her but puts her faith to work, through serving.
- A woman that is supportive and celebratory of other women around her finding their love.
- A woman who patiently waiting and not trying to force God’s hand on anything but working closely with him in all things.
How to build your confidence daily to help you remain focused while your’re single?
Drop the timeline and the deadlines.
You stunt your growth. You stunt your journey every time you give yourself a unnecessary timeline and deadline. There are some things that need deadlines but not your singleness. God knows your expiration date but until then you live like a fresh carton of eggs or orange juice, don’t be a produce.
Focus on purpose and vision.
Focus on what God asked you to do. Focus on exploring what God has called you to. Purpose and vision will keep you so busy, so focused on building yourself up that you won’t even realize you’re single. (well I would like to think that)
Date yourself/Self-intimacy
Get comfortable with spending time with yourself. Explore you so much that you don’t realize you have a need. But don’t become to full of yourself where you reach the extreme of selfishness, narcissism, and more. Get so comfortable in your own skin, you have to start getting around others to share all the amazing things you are and learning about yourself as well.
Remember what you do not want
I say this one, not to keep from or limit you from taking a risk when it comes to relationship with others. Because God has called us to others in relationship. But remembering what does not work for you because it gives you space in your singleness to make solid boundaries in your life and keep you from wasting time or linking to those who are not there to improve your life.
Address areas that still need to be healed
On this last Sunday at my church, the youth minister gave a core shaking sermon that really made us all rethink our healing. You can check it out here. But he said that Just because it doesn’t hurt anymore, doesn’t mean you are healed in that area. If that did not check you then I don’t know what to tell ya. It’s time to declutter! The best time to clean your house is when no one there.
Try new things and adventures.
The only other way to build confidence is through challenging yourself or putting yourself in an unfamiliar terriority and conquering it. We all have a bucket list of desires that we want to achieve. There is something about living your best life that renews your confidence and keep you from ruminating on things that are not true like “i’ll be alone forever or no one likes me”.
Own your time.
You have control of all your time when you’re single. You can use that time to become the person you are seeking. Time to focus on your relationship with God without constant interruption. Time is one of those concepts that we can’t get back or erase what happened in the past time, but you can decide how you will use it. Less grumbling and complaining and more believing and trusting.
Understand it is better to be single.
We have to stop thinking of singleness as a death sentence but as a gift from God. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:7-9:
I wish that all were as I myself am. But each has his own gift from God, one of one kind and one of another. To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
But the funny thing I find in this scripture is that he says if you can’t control yourself then you should probably get married. Correct me if I am wrong, but that sounds a little charity case like. But that is not what we want. Singleness should be a time of:
- Rejoicing always (Phillipians 4:4)
- Giving God glory ( 1 Corinthians 10:31)
- Living the chosen life and ministry ( 1 Corinthians 7:17) -Read the MSG version, sheesh!
- Being free from anxiety ( 1 Corinthians 7:32)
- Freedom, security, and with order (1 Corinthians 7:35)
- Hiddeness ( Songs of Songs 3:5)
- Strengthening (Isaish 41:10)
- And so much more!
All in all,
Your confidence is a reflection of who’s truth you are living by when it comes to being single. Are you focused on your approach, the worlds perception, or God’s truth? The bible reminds us of all we need to focus on right now whether the desire is to be married or not:
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. Psalm 37:4
Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you. 1 Peter 5:6
Being single is not a death sentence but it is not a time to take each day for granted. Singleness allows for you to focus and get on track within God’s will without thinking about others as much as if you are married.
Even though, I do desire marriage; I know that if I have another dry cuffing season, my life is good. God is good! I am grateful that I am single and get to continue to focus on my faith in God and His plan each and every day. You should too!
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in relationships:
