Usually I don’t enjoy starting my blog post about the pains of the times; however, we are seeing a significant turn of events. There is boldness being used for good, but there’s a whole lot of boldness being used for bad. Some people use it to take from and hurt others. But on the other hand some are using their boldness for a good cause. Whatever your perspective is with being bold, I encourage you to take another look.
For years, I have struggled with my confidence and often shied away from doing bold things. Just imagine little Chyna in grade school, having an answer to the teacher’s question but not daring to raise her hand in front of the class.
Or teenage Chyna, having no true interest in partying and drinking, but not speaking up and being confident enough to be different. What about adult Chyna? Frustrated with how a guy is treating her in a relationship, but not saying anything in fear of losing companionship.
Life was taking a nasty turn with all the decisions, steps, and conversations I was not risking. After having Avah and starting my journey as a single mom, I knew I had to make a change so I could be a better example for her and also break the toxic cycle I was on.
Keep reading…
Why boldness?
Boldness is important for so many reasons. Boldness is the willingness to take risks and innovate with courage and confidence. It is the opposite of being fearful and a key ingredient toward success. It is not pushy, loud, or bossy. Boldness:
- Allows for increased comfort in your own skin.
- Helps you to set boundaries for those around you for optimal respect.
- Eliminates the plague of the ‘shoulda, coulda, wouldas’ syndrome.
- Gains you the respect you desire and deserve.
- Shows readiness and is inspiring.
For some it comes easy to them and for others, like me, we struggle. This struggle can stem from a number of reasons:
- Childhood trauma of fear and shame
- Recent mistakes with life choices
- Negative responses to times you have spoken up
- Fear of not being accepted, misunderstood and alone
- Seen with abnormal levels of cortisol (stress hormone)
What does God say about being bold?
In the bible, God demands us to live and walk in boldness. God often describes us (the righteous) as having the boldness of a lion (Prov. 28:1) and we all know that the lions are the leaders of the Pride land. ( I love Lion King!)
God wants us to preach the gospel and serve the kingdom with boldness and without hindrance. (Acts 28:31) It is even confirmed that we gain our confidence and boldness through our faith in Him. (Ephesians 3:12)
In Acts 4, there was even a prayer put forth for boldness by the apostles. God desires us to be bold in all we do within His will.
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the LORD your God will be with you wherever you go. Joshua 1:9
That’s why I took the time to break down the 7 keys to walking in boldness and asking for what you want out of life as a single mom. I have worked through each key in my own way as I have been creating the life I want as a single mom.
7 Keys To Asking For What You Want With Boldness
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Know What You Truly Want
This is first and foremost the most important aspect of asking for what you want. How are you going to come boldly if you’re in a state of unknown or uncertainty? Whether it’s a relationship, job, life, or the menu at a restaurant, it is important you do the necessary thought work to be able to identify your specific needs.
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See If It Aligns With God’s Word
I was the queen of not checking with God regarding what I wanted in various areas of my life. My whole thought process was that this is minimal and that I don’t want to bother God with this. Such a wrong way to perceive God. Take your need to His Word and see if this aligns with the morals and instructions He has laid out for you in those areas. If you can’t find it in the Word, discuss it with a close spiritual friend that will be able to walk with you through your process.
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Believe You Deserve It
I will preach it from the mountain top until the end of my days, everything starts with a belief. How are we supposed to be confident in our requests when we don’t even believe we deserve something great, better, and/or impactful? Believing is the starting line to true confidence and propels you into quality trust. Ask yourself: Do you believe you should be married? Are you believing that you are qualified for that promotion at your job? Do you believe you can get out of debt?
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Do Not Overthink It
Don’t think you need to know it all. Rebuke the spirit of needing to be able to do everything by yourself. The key to eliminate overthinking is being able to talk it through or sharing your thoughts with another person. Use your resources, especially reaching out to people who are already where you want to be or have what you want. Ask them the important questions so you won’t have to play the guessing and overanalyzing game in your head.
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Be Persistent With Your Words
Don’t get me wrong on this one. I am not saying to talk about it all the time to any and everybody or post too much on social media. I am referring to being persistent in your time of prayer (Hebrew 4:16). Meanwhile, you should be speaking whatever it is you want into existence when someone asks you about it. Master your positive self-talk around that particular area. Ultimately, you are aligning your words to your desire and your desire to your vision.
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Position Yourself To Be Able To Receive It
This key goes hand and hand with anything that will stretch you beyond your comfort zone. Want that husband, what are you doing to prepare yourself? No longer want to have money troubles, are you getting a handle on your money management and reducing expenses/increasing income? Want to have a more confident spiritual life, are you participating in bible small groups or engaging in praise/worship? I am not to say these are the only needs, but putting yourself in a better place to receive what you want will improve your chances of success.
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Understand There’s A Possibility That You Won’t Get It
This key has been hard for me and a lot of people I know. We are in a day and age of convenience and instant gratification. Majority of us suffer from what the psychologist would say is a “destination addiction”. Destination addiction is where we focus on and obsess over the next best thing. In this mental state, we are not content and take for granted the blessings of today. Know there is a possibility that you may not get married, have a child again, or be able to lose that weight. Furthermore, sometimes what we want won’t come when we want or it will come in a different form than what we expect. No matter the outcome, we must learn to be content.
Making Moves With Boldness
Boldness can be a bit scary and may be easy for other folks. As a single mom, I have struggled with being bold with what I want, my opinions, and my deal breakers. Being bold and confident can help you set boundaries, set you apart from others at work, and allow you to have more control over your responses to life experiences.
For a while, I looked up scriptures and asked God for the boldness and confidence that I have today. I encourage you if confidence, courage, and boldness is what you desire, you will need to stretch yourself and come boldly to God in prayer and supplication. Truly, there is so much freedom in stepping into your God-given identity.
Hope this post blesses at least one mama!
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In need of individual support, book a complimentary breakthrough chat with me, Chyna Nicole, to help you work through your boldness needs.
