7 Powerful Questions To Ask Yourself Before Dating Again As A Single Mom

Valentine’s day has come and gone. And guess what? Our social feeds were flooded with couples, engagements, and self-love posts. This is all good, but it can be a bit triggering for single moms desiring to have a romantic relationship. But before you act on that urge to get back out on the dating scene again unprepared, you’ll need to ask yourself specific questions before you start dating again as a single mom.

I will be honest; I have thought about getting back out there. I felt so ready in her mind at the beginning of the year 2020, thinking about all the available prospects.

Boy, was I wrong?

I used every excuse on the planet to avoid creating a dating profile, putting myself “in position,” and so forth. This girl was not ready for the challenge.

But I wasn’t the only one. News reported that dating and/or online dating has been one of the top searches since 2020.

So dating is still a thing and is desired by so many people no matter the state of this world, which takes me back to how God designed us for each other and the longing for connection with the opposite sex.

Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18

Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man. Genesis 2:22

Neither was man created for woman, but woman for man. 1 Corinthians 11:9

Two is better than one. They can help each other succeed and keep each other warm.

But I do pray about this dating desire often. Telling God, similar to what Jesus said before the cross, “let this cup (desire, mission) pass from me.” If it’s not your will Lord, I don’t want it.

Unfortunately, it hasn’t worked yet. I know God prefers for us to marry but I desire to know if it’s in his plan in this season of my life. Once I am clear on that, then I would need to start walking in the way he has laid out for me.

Biblical dating

There’s no specific verse in the Bible that says this is what you should do when you date. And it drives us crazy. But I know it’s more of us getting into the Word and finding the principles that support godly dating/courtship. Here are the principles and lessons I’ve learned in my search:

• 1 Corinthians 7:34
• Matthew 6:33
• 2 Corinthians 6:14
• 1 Timothy 5:22
• Songs of Songs 8:4

If that doesn’t help, then I don’t know what to tell you. Dating relationships should not be similar to how you go about other relationships. Dating is a serious matter! Get to know them, collect data, and make a decision to fulfill purpose with them God’s way or don’t do it at all.

But we still have questions.

God, are we suppose to be dating, or should we wait?

Is it okay for us to pursue a man?

Those are excellent questions.

Everyone’s situation and desires are different. So I can’t tell you exactly what to do. But I am here to help you do the groundwork, the not-so-pleasant foundation laying. Today, I will be sharing seven things to consider when determining whether to start dating again or not as a single mom.

7 Things To Consider Before You Start Dating Again

Have I done the self-work needed to be mentally, emotionally, and spiritually secure in the modern-day dating world?

Dating now is different than the way it used to be for our parents and grandparents. It seemed like it was so straightforward for them. Guy asks the girl out, the date, they engaged, married, and start having kids. It seems so foreign, right?

Dating requires swiping left, scrolling profiles, and meeting up for social dating. We have to make sure we are secure in every facet of our being before getting into the wild world of dating. Ensure that you will not be tossed to and fro and changed by the ever-changing demands and the inevitable rejections of it all.

Have I talked to God about his plans for my life relationally?

I love to include this question because you can not go into this dating season alone. It would help if you had strength where you are weak and a neutral eye to help you see the blindspots and red flags that we often overlook.

Spending time talking to God about dating and including Him in the process allows for proper reflection and decision-making. Remember, the whole goal is to meet people and determine who would be the God-sized best fit for you. If you don’t include the provider, then you will never get the package.

Are my kids ready to handle the magnitude of having to share mama?

I remember early on in my single mom journey, entering the dating world prematurely. I was dating a guy that I thought was the posterchild of Christian men. Boy, was I wrong? But he wasn’t all bad. He created a great relationship with my daughter, but I didn’t fully understand the magnitude of how much work dividing my attention would be.

I didn’t understand how much regular dates would affect my daughter either. She was young, but now that she’s older, I feel she better understands that mommy has needs. Please take the time to talk about it with your kids and see how they think about you dating again. You’ll be surprised and impressed by their answers.

Am I ready to go from being independent to interdependent?

The question mentioned above came into the discussion with one of my closest friends (a non-mommy friend). I never thought about this much, but I get how this transition will make or break the dating to marriage mission.

Single moms become so independent because we have to. But it can be challenging for us to turn that off when it’s time to join with another or allow them into our world. I encourage you to think about this question and not act on dating until you are ready to start working on being interdependent.

Have I thought about the possibility of marriage and all it entails?

As Christian single moms, we know that we don’t want to date just to be dating. We don’t have time for that. Walking with God is about intentionality, in the direction God has told us to walk. The same is true with romantic relationships.

We are his design, the desire we have for each other is his idea, and marriage (woven with him) was his goal. Know that dating God’s way can lead to marriage. So take the time to understand what marriage is, its design, and determine if that is something you will eventually desire.

Do I have the time and energy to devote to dating?

As single moms, our plates are already full. With work, home, kids, and still trying to have time for ourselves, time can get away from us. I am doing all this plus serving in the church and building a business; dating is the last thing on my list.

But if you truly desire to start the process, you will have to be intentional about it and not allow obstacles to stand in your way. Ask God to give you strength and stamina to date. You may not start right away, but at least you are starting somewhere.

Have I been praying for my future spouse?

How is God supposed to know you are ready for what He has for you. Don’t get me wrong; God is an all-knowing God. But like with anything else, you want to hear it from the horse’s mouth. It allows for you to sort through your needs and align them with what God has for you. Also, God can provide confirmation that you need.

There are tons of videos, challenges, and programs to help you through this process. I hope you get to the point that you desire a spouse but don’t let the process of getting to that point have you. You are amazing with or without! But it would be nice for another adult to share life with that’s not bad on the eye.

One Bonus Tip:

Do not allow the failures of your past dating experiences to stop you from opening yourself up to love again. Learn from the lessons but do not block your blessings.

I just recently opened myself up to possibly loving again, and boy, did it backfire. But the cool thing about it was, I did not have a week-long, let alone a 2-hour meltdown as I had in the past. Growth is so good when you let it come into your life and make you new. I still believe in love because I refuse to let this experience hold me back. It will propel me on a better path toward what God has for me.

All in all,

I am not a dating guru, but I know the importance and impact of all different types of relationships in our life. It’s just apart of life to desire companionship and build a family in its original design. Whether you end up being successful in this dating journey that is still up to you and your heavenly father. The truth is to be content, whether you’re with a man or not.

I hear many women say that when they focused less on finding a man and more on God and serving his kingdom, they were able to be more vigilant in recognizing their happily ever after.

But, don’t mind me. I am still a hopeless romantic because I serve a God of the impossible. So whether you decide to start dating again as a single mom, be in expectation that God will do amazing things for you and your little family regardless.

In need of support with getting back into the swing of dating? Check out these supportive blog post:

• 50 Question To Ask When Dating Yourself : Journal Prompts Included
• 5 Powerful Prayers To Pray Over Your Love Life
• 10 Reasons Why You’re Giving Up On Love Again
• 12 Characteristics Of A Confident Woman (that men love too)
• For Single Moms Surrounded By Married Women

You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in love life:

Chyna Nicole

Chyna is a Faith Blogger and Speaker at Made New Mama, where she uplifts and empowers single women and moms to stop hiding behind challenges and start living confidently in their relationships through faith. Check out resources here: https://www.madenewmama.com/store/

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