There are so many reasons one might defer or resist the idea of love again. So I can’t say the reasons I share with you on this day apply to every single mom. However, I have spent some years as a single mom and know a ton of single moms that have been either hesitant or feel that romantic love is too much of a hassle to pursue.
Now, when I say ‘love’ I am talking about the romantic kind. As we all know, God is love, but he has created various types of love for us to experience in this life. As a single mom, I have been able to experience all types but I wouldn’t be here writing this if all have stayed in my life.
About 2 years ago, I wrote a blog post about movies that could ignite a desire in a single mom for love. I didn’t share these to sell single moms’ wolf tickets or fantasy but to help each woman reading the blog post to believe in healthy love again.
You can check out the old blog post here: Movies To Help Single Moms Believe In Love Again.
- 1 10 Reasons Why Single Moms Are Hesitant To Love Again
- 1.0.1 You experienced love in a painful way.
- 1.0.2 You did not fully understand what love is.
- 1.0.3 You’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places.
- 1.0.4 You don’t associate love with good.
- 1.0.5 You’ve given so much love and received none in return.
- 1.0.6
- 1.0.7
- 1.0.8 You feel shame for misunderstanding love. (It’s not like the movies!)
- 1.0.9 You’re scared to be vulnerable again.
- 1.0.10 You don’t want to waste your time.
- 1.0.11 You haven’t forgiven or healed past love wounds.
- 1.0.12 You believe love is for everyone else, not you.
- 1.1
- 1.2 What makes a single mom attractive?
- 1.3
- 1.4 All in all,
- 1.5 Chyna Nicole
- 1.6 Related
Do Single Moms Find Love Again?
Yes, single moms find love again. As long as they take their time to build themselves up in the things of the Lord and make space for other people to get to know them more, etc, then it’s open season.
Being a single mom doesn’t forfeit your ability to find love and be loved. When I say find, I do not mean women pursuing men but that, as a single mom, I can have magical moments, get in position, and meet someone.
The biggest thing about love is that it’s the most scaries thing you will ever do. It takes trust, vulnerability, and letting your guard down to show those you care that you will treat them with appreciation regardless if they treat you the same or drop the ball.
Do guys like single moms?
I used to ask myself this question all the time. I felt like men saw me as a burden and that I came with baggage and drama. Which I don’t. But I used my own fears and insecurities to define how men would see me.
In reality, there are men out there that is repulsed and biased toward single mothers. But that type of man is not for you, so roll them off your shoulder. I have seen a large number of men that end up courrting and marrying women who were single moms before. Now, they have a happy family with even more kids.
Being a single mom is not who you are or defines you. Men ( because we don’t want boys) fall in love with the woman you are and the courage you have to raise your child(ren) on your own. They can care less that you have a past, they want to know you’ve grown from it though. Heal in your singleness now so you don’t bring all that with you to the husband God has for you.
How do single moms find love?
I don’t think we find romantic love completely. I think our start to attracting romantic love again is through resting in God’s love and finding the love we have for overselves first.
Single moms can do alot of dating, looking, and plotting, which I did alot of in my earlier years. But until you partner with God and consult him regarding your purpose and His will for your life, then you will fall for alot of counterfiets. I had my fair share of wolves in sheep clothing myself.
Single moms find love again by learning to love God, loving self, and loving those you already have in your life to love. Once you become faithful and a good steward of what you already have, it’s only fitting that God would trust you with more, even the desires of your heart.
Before we dive into reasons for single moms being hesitant to love again…
I want you to know that I hope this list will allow you to self-reflect and become aware of your own limiting beliefs about yourself and finding love as a single mom. Some of the reasons I list have been my experience and some have been what I observed. No matter if you see yourself on this list or not, know that your single mom peers are experiencing their own frustration with the idea of romantic love again.
I know this post will bring awareness to you and give you the kickstart needed to move forward toward love or toward the healing needed to become whole. For some, it’s time to get back out there and for others, it’s time to be transformed. Only God can tell.
10 Reasons Why Single Moms Are Hesitant To Love Again
You experienced love in a painful way.
We read in the bible that love is a certain way no matter if it’s the love of God, love of a friend, or a romantic lover. I am not going to lay out the description of love, but when you get a chance, take the time to ingrain what love is in your heart to be able to combat the experiences that have led you here.
Mishandling is common in our society and is the main contributor to the pain we experience around love. Don’t confuse their clumsy hands with you being not enough or too much to handle. Love is not painful when it’s done the right way. The pain comes from the actions of those handling it.
You did not fully understand what love is.
In connection to the first one, read 1 Corinthians 13 to get a clear definition and description of love in all areas. A lot of us as children have been fed this false presentation of love that we have not received thus far. I still blame Disney…just kidding.
Some of us maybe have seen a dysfunctional representation in our households and families that distorted our understanding of love. So if this is your reason, take time to understand what love is for yourself. Use what you understand to be love, reframe your beliefs/thoughts, and begin to re-write your story with love.
You’ve been looking for love in all the wrong places.
There is no perfect place to find romantic love. You can get a list of 100 places to find love and you can still not be able to find love there. Places are to meet people in general, not to find love.
Love comes when you truly spend time with people and start to build friendship and trust with them. We get in trouble when we go looking for love like we’re shopping at the mall.
For many of us, we were looking for love from people we should of just met and got to know. However, we were so focused on finding romantic love, we blinded ourselves to the fact that they weren’t capable of loving you the way you needed to be loved.
Heal from your need to sniff out love and work on being love in a way that attracts the love you need moving forward. The man for you will smell your sweet aroma and do everything in his power to make you believe in love again.
You don’t associate love with good.
Love is good. Love is great. Love will change your life. Love is God and God is good.
Love is not a curse word, it’s not evil, and it’s not out to hurt you. What you’ve experienced in the past was not with love but with imperfect people. Love didn’t do anything.
Love encourages you to be vulnerable but that does not mean it chose who you allowed yourself to be vulnerable with, that was your choice.
Don’t allow the experiences you had, habits you formed, and beliefs that became rooted in you, define love as something that it’s not. Love is a beautiful thing that people tend to use and abuse, not love using and abusing people.
You’ve given so much love and received none in return.
The amazing thing about love is that its fluid in nature. It can be given in one direction or all directions. But when you experience a relationship where it was only one way, it can be draining and discouraging.
Don’t let past one-sided relationships keep you with a wall up against any new opportunities. It can be very hard for you to let go of what you know. But it’s up to you to do the necessary work to move forward.
God has called us to love our neighbors as we love ourselves, whether they receipricate or not. It is our job to be honorable because we are honorable. We love because we are love. Just think about how God felt when He sacrificed his only son, only to have people reject Him anyway.
Anyone who understands your feelings of rejection, it would be Jesus!
You feel shame for misunderstanding love. (It’s not like the movies!)
This is one emotion we have to let go of. Shame does not get us anywhere but sitting and sulking in our mess.
In God, there is no shame or condemnation. God has already forgiven us for making the wrong choices when it comes to romantic love. He knows that you made decisions out of ignorance and foolish desires. God is aware.
Don’t allow your mistakes and poor choices master you from getting it right the next time or stepping out on faith regarding a guy you’ve been wanting to connect with. Let humili,ation stay in that moment and do not allow it to become a chain around your neck.
You’re scared to be vulnerable again.
This has always been my biggest reason for giving up on love again. I have always thought I was vulnerable to with all my partners and friends. As I reflect, I have not have been due to a fear of embarrassment and humiliation that started at the age of 10.
I remember it like yesterday, but long story short, I did a courage act and shared by heart with a boy who later embarrassed me in front of my peers. I’ve had a weird relationship with valentine’s day since and it has held me back from opening up to anybody for over the last 22 years.
However, vulnerability is the key to healthy communication, intimacy in relationships, and emotional attuning that most relationships desire. Tell yourself it’s time to be vulnerable again. Choose wisely.
You don’t want to waste your time.
Time is a popular reason for most single moms that who thought about dating again but reversed due to pressure and changes to weekly schedule.
As single moms, we do have alot on pour plates. Some that we have to do with no help from anyone. Then there are times when we are doing more than what we should be doing to represent.
For the ladies that feel like time is an issue, I would encourage you to take time this month to plan out the next month and prepare yourself to make room for the things you enjoy or desire. Dating is a desire for many women, but they are struggling to come across men that are not there to waste their time.
Remember, every ex-boyfriend or ex-husband was a lesson because I wouldn’t be here without the times spent with this individual.
You haven’t forgiven or healed past love wounds.
The best thing you can do for yourself so that you can move forward toward love is forgive yourself. Whether you pray for forgiveness, journal it, or talk to yourself about it, forgiveness of self and others is so necessary.
I wrote a guest post on an amazing website called Pray For Everything, where I shared a post on the 7 Powerful Prayers to Forgive Yourself. Check it out when you get a chance.
If you need more than talking to yourself and prayer, then it’s time to invest in time with therapist that specializes in trauma and healing childhood wounds. I have a great therapist that I have been working with for months.
If money is an issue, sometimes you can find counseling in your church or with a student therapist, which lowers the cost of visits. There is always a way for you to start leading yourself by beginning to heal yourself and rewrite your story.
You believe love is for everyone else, not you.
As single moms, especially moms who are active and committed to community within the church, you have experienced this thought process or feeling at least once. In an environment that caters to married couples and would rather embrace single chrisitans without ids, things can get frustrating.
You are happy for others engagements and try to believe that God has something specific for you, but the years begin to roll. You attempt to wait confidently and also take matters into your own hands by trying online dating, but nothing doesn’t come of it because you know exactly what you want.
When this happens, you begin to lose faith and belief that God has a husband for you. Even when you join FB groups and participate in challenges, your hope begins to widdle away.
But know that God gives good gifts to those who fear Him, trust in Him, and put their trust and confidence in Him to meet our great need of romantic love. And He reminds us not to lose heart, become discouraged, or be afraid because God will order our steps according to His will.
If you struggle with this reason, I would encourage you to continue to cheer for others and beleive that better is coming, because you never know who may be mentioning your name in a room that you husband is in.
After all the uprooting of the reasons behind your hesitation, I want to remind you of the things that make you desirable.
What makes a single mom attractive?
Here I share attractive traits, behaviors, and skills of a single mom that makes a single mom an attractive person to consider for dating/courting toward marriage:
- Single moms are usually beautiful, gorgeous, and attractive no matter what she wears.
- Single moms know what it’s like to independently manage a home which makes interdependence easier to transition to.
- Single moms already give nurturing and motherly vibes, know how to care for children, and are already fertile.
- Single moms know how to be productive problem solvers and embrace the nudges of an overcomer to the challenges of doing life in need of male support.
- Single moms tend to focus their efforts on their relationship with God/growing spiritually.
All in all,
No matter how you view love and your reasons to or not to focus on finding love, make sure you have done all you need to bring freedom and peace into your life and have the overflow pour out to those connected to you. Let us pray!
Heavenly Father, I am praying over your daughters today.
I pray that every single mom and woman reading this post have received the revelation needed to start moving forward to love.
Pursuing love again can be scary and keep us from truly experiencing the fullness of your love.
Help us to remember God is our strength. Remind us that we are forgiven, and that You have a plan and future for us within a marriage.
We are releasing all our concerns and troubles to you God. and am excited for the new things you’re bring into our lives as we do the work of healing and seeing love in a new light.
In Jesus Name, Amen.
Check out some of my other blog post to support your journey toward love as well:
- Remind Yourself Of How Loved You Are With These Quotes and Scriptures
- 28 Bible Verses To Understand Love Better
- 5 Movies To Help Single Moms Believe in Love Again
- Ways to Serve Single Moms Based On Love Languages
- 50 Question To Ask When Dating Yourself : Journal Prompts Included
- Consider These Before You Start Dating Again As A Single Mom
Still looking for ways to connect with other single moms or women headed in the same direction toward greater faith, increased confidence, and romantic love that leads to marriage?
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in relationships:
