Honestly, I have asked myself this question about 1 million times since 2009. Why are relationships so hard for me? Why do I keep struggling with relationships?
I felt like an underage girl trying to enter a 30+ club, ready to get in and be grown. The bouncer stops me at the door, saying, “you aren’t old enough, you don’t have on the right attire, and you’re not on the list.” I just want to enjoy myself, and I’m tired of all these rules.
When Relationships Are Hard
Healthy relationships felt so far away but so close, right outside my reach. At that moment, I felt myself becoming down and frustrated. I began to tell myself that I would never have a healthy relationship and that I wasn’t cut out for love.
The problem was that I was striving for a fantasy version of relationships rather than a real relationship. Relationships are not complicated; they just require hard work.
They require more effort than we sometimes realize, using a good amount of mental and inner energy often drained by other areas of our lives. Every relationship has conflict but how the dispute is dealt with determines what you will experience.
You may be saying, how is this helping me to understand why relationships are hard for me? It’s not because that answer is in You.
Honestly, I can only speculate why you may have challenges or share the most common blindspots for women in relationships. But remember, no blog post will do the inner work for you. You have to step back and re-evaluate yourself and how you experience relationships.
Common Reasons Why You Struggle With Relationships
Below I share several reasons why relationships may be complicated for you:
- Lack confidence
- Don’t have the skills to deal with conflict properly
- Struggle to set boundaries and meet others’ expectations
- Past trauma and experiences take over
- Allow distractions to come before the relationship
- Connected with people who don’t share the same values and vision
- Not ready to be selfless
- Trying to hold on to who someone was or who you once were
Not to say there is no other reason why relationships are for you, but you may have seen yourself in at least one of the reasons above. If you didn’t, you might have to step back and figure out whether you are being completely honest with yourself.
And when you can do that, you can better evaluate your patterns in relationships and take the steps forward that I share with you below.
Three Simple Steps To Help You Stop Struggling With Relationships
Change Your Mindset.
As much as you hate hearing this, your mindset determines everything. If you think and envision something as hard, it will be hard for you. If you see challenges as opportunities to grow, it will be just that.
Perception is everything as well. Changing your mindset around relationships from negative and fixed to positive and growth bound will make a massive difference in how you experience relationships. “As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.”(Proverbs 23:7)
Become A Student.
I am a big fan of this step because I believe that where people are ignorant, they are destroyed. The bible confirms this in Hosea 4:6 as it relates to God but remember He is love and relationship. So if you want to stop struggling in an area, you must understand what it is, its intended purpose, and how it was designed for you to experience in life.
If relationships are a challenge for you, start by consulting God, doing bible studies, reading books, joining small groups, and getting around people exhibiting a healthier relationship. In the same way, you worked hard for your job certification and degree for your career, you have to know the basic foundations and develop the skills needed for healthy relationships.
Practice, Practice, Practice.
Whether trying to improve how you experience family relationships or romantic relationships, you need to begin taking action with everything you have learned so far. You don’t have to be perfect before you change the trajectory of your relationship status.
When you act on these changes daily, you will see a 1% improvement each day to help you build better habits toward happier, healthier relationships. You will have times when you may retreat to old thinking or fail to remember everything you’ve learned in the heat of the moment, so give yourself grace.
I would encourage you to start each day with the intention to experience relationships in a healthier way. Then, you will begin to see the changes you need. Also, ask Holy Spirit to help you because when you know you have a partner to help you, relationships won’t feel like such a load. Action is what helps build the confidence you need to do relationships well.
All in all,
The point of my post is to get you out of the mindset that relationships are hard. I want you to stop speaking death over this area of your life. Relationships take work, but it doesn’t have to be hard. Even after you read this, you should feel the weight of perfection lifted off you. My goal is to help you feel empowered, seen, and challenged to better yourself in relationships. Enjoy the journey!
If you are still feeling challenged, I encourage you to reach out for a Confidence Chat.
And if you want to stay connected with resources for relationship-building, join the new Women Seeking Confidence Facebook Group here.
