Why is relationships always the topic of conversation in christian singles spaces and single mom spaces? Why is romance such a hot topic in all my friend circles? Why do the idea of eros love sometimes over power the agape love we should really seek in life and love? Today I share with you vulnerable points in my life and some wisdom turned relationship advice I have for christian single moms.
I don’t want you to look at my responses as fact. Still go back to the Word and make sure it is something God wants you to walk in for your journey.
I pray my transperency ignite a fire and turn on a light inside of you as a christian single mom to encourage you to navigate relationships with faith and confidence. Enjoy!
- 1 Relationship Advice with Chyna Nicole For Christian Single Moms
- 1.1 What did your journey of singleness/dating life look like?
- 1.2 What are qualities you should look for in a husband?
- 1.3 How important is attraction in a romantic relationship?
- 1.4 Can girls and guys really just be friends?
- 1.5 How can you discern if a guy has Godly character or not?
- 1.6 If a guy has a past, what should you do?
- 1.7 If you have a past, can you still find a Godly guy?
- 1.8 How do you stay content when all of your friends are getting married?
- 1.9 How do you navigate dating and relationships as a single mom?
- 1.10 How far is too far in dating?
- 1.11 What is the biggest piece of life advice you can give to all the single moms out there?
- 1.12 All in all,
- 2 Chyna Nicole
- 3 Related
Relationship Advice with Chyna Nicole For Christian Single Moms
If you haven’t met me yet, take a moment to get to know me at my Meet The Blogger page.
As you read, remember this:
No, dear brothers and sisters, I have not achieved it, but I focus on this one thing: Forgetting the past and looking forward to what lies ahead, I press on to reach the end of the race and receive the heavenly prize for which God, through Christ Jesus, is calling us. Phillipians 3:13-14 NLT
Okay, I’m stalling. LOL Enjoy!!!
What did your journey of singleness/dating life look like?
My Journey of singleness/dating continues. I’ve had my share of serious relationships and not-so-serious relationships, but I’ve found that I have been truly at my best in my singleness. Even though I am intentionally not dating in this season, I haven’t always been in this level of authority in my life. There was a time in my late teens and early twenties when I wanted to be in a relationship/married so bad. I did not fully understand and appreciate the perks and spiritual benefits of being single. I thank God that I have a better understanding now as it has helped me increase my self-awareness and walking in boldness in my calling.
What are qualities you should look for in a husband?
There are tons of qualities you can look for but there is only one quality I believe is the most important. He must have a relationship with God. If he doesn’t have a relationship with God, something that he must submit under (James 4:7), it will be hard for him to humble himself enough to love you the way he needs to love you and lead you in a life that pleases God.
How important is attraction in a romantic relationship?
Attraction is so important. I will be honest; I was really vain and stuck on the looks of the men I dated. Then, I said I won’t do that anymore, and it definitely backfired. There has to be a physical attraction that accompanies the spiritual attraction, but in the end the Lord’s plans will prevail. (Proverbs 19:21)
Can girls and guys really just be friends?
I believe guys and girls can really be friends because I have seen it. But know that if not both, at least one of them has sparked feelings for the other. Emotional connection creates a desire to attach and people attach in different ways.
How can you discern if a guy has Godly character or not?
The best way I discern is by aligning the guy’s words and actions with the scripture. If the way he’s talking to me or acting toward me is aligned or the opposite of what I know, then I act accordingly. I say this because I wasted too much time being “deceived” in regards to what a Godly man’s character is supposed to be. If you’re looking for something Godly, make sure you go back to the source, His Word. But if he’s causing you to stumble in your faith walk, he’s definitely not Godly.
If a guy has a past, what should you do?
First and foremost, DO NOT JUDGE! (John 8:7) You have no idea what led to his past or how he has overcome. I used to say this jokingly but I said I wanted a guy with a past/ a story. There’s this level of appreciation and maturity that comes after having to overcome and heal from things. Second, gain more information about his story from Him, not Facebook or Google. Third, pray about it so that you can have discernment and make a sound decision about whether it’s something you can overcome or not. You don’t want to waste your time or his.
If you have a past, can you still find a Godly guy?
Scripture says: For I know the plans I have for you declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not harm you. Plans to give you HOPE and a FUTURE. Jeremiah 29:11
I stand on his Word in this area. I have often felt stigmatized being a single mom and having the past I had of sex outside of marriage. Don’t get me wrong, I have healed and overcome these things but that doesn’t mean I’m not tempted by the ways I came out of bondage. But I know my God loves me, cares for me, and wants the best for me. So can I still find a Godly man? Yes! It’s possible because my God wants the best for me and he wouldn’t just give me any old guy.
How do you stay content when all of your friends are getting married?
It is so funny I just wrote a blog post about this. Link here.
I struggled with this one because there was a time when I was dating alongside all my other friends and I was the only one that did not convert into marriage. And it hurt. Hurt me bad. I thought about isolating myself or not even continuing with the friendships, but they wouldn’t let me. I stay content by understanding we all are on different paths and timelines (Habakkuk 2:3). I avoid comparing myself to them, using this time to learn what I can from their experiences and helping them with motherhood, as I became a mom first.
Navigating dating and relationships as a single mom is not an easy task. I had to truly learn to set boundaries and designate time based on my values and priorities. When I was dating early on in my single motherhood, I was putting too much focus and energy on the guys. But ending up feeling guilty for not spending enough time with my daughter or dropping her off at the grandparents every other weekend. But now with all the demands of work, family, ministry, and so forth, time is scarce to consider dating again. It’s not impossible but it’s definitely a challenge.
How far is too far in dating?
As a queen of going too far in dating, too far is submitting to a guy, living with the guy (playing house), and sharing yourself sexually during dating. Dating is a time of collecting data, getting to know the person, and deciding whether this is something to pursue more deeply. We mess ourselves up when we give ourselves too much, too soon for someone who hasn’t committed to be there no matter what under God.
What is the biggest piece of life advice you can give to all the single moms out there?
Love yourself girl. It would save yourself some headaches and heart breaks, if you take the additional time to get to know your uniqueness (Proverbs 31:29) and purpose (Genesis 1:28). Cherish your single days; learn to be content in the season you’re in (Philippians 4:11). You will miss a lot of your glory days when you worry and fret over something that may or may not happen in the future. Use your singleness to get closer to God and you will be closer to who you are in His Will and the person He has for you. (1 Corinthians 7:34)
All in all,
Like I said before, I have not received the relationship and marriage that I desire yet but I am hopeful. I have given my love life back to God and allowing Him to prepare me and position me for the type of husband I need in my life.
The relationship advice I shared was through my experiences but also through what I’ve observed and learned from others doing love and relationship well. Never see your single season or dating season as a death season. Know that your journey is being used to prepare you for your future spouse.
I pray God blesses you and cover you in this area of your life. I pray that your love life does not become an idol but as a means to the purpose that God has for you. You are precious and chrished. Never forget that because you are not forgotten, christian single mom.
In need of support navigating dating, singleness and relationships? Check out these supportive blog posts:
- How To Be Confident Being Single Using These 8 Tips — Thank God, I’m Single!
- 7 Powerful Questions To Ask Yourself Before Dating Again As A Single Mom
- What To Do When You Struggle With Relationships
- Confidence Is Important In Relationships For These 5 Reasons
- How To Be 10x More Confident In Your Singleness As A Single Mom
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in confidence:
