As you all know, becoming a mom can come with it’s fair share of challenges. Outside of the dirty diapers and toddler tantrums, we can find ourselves losing our identity in the mix. With Pinterest moms killing the game and happy social media moms posting their family trip pictures, being a mom (whatever you identify with) can seem like an everlasting battle for self-confidence and esteem.
You are probably thinking, why is she writing on this topic? Even though a handful of moms find themselves thriving after having their children, most moms struggle with the new role of having someone relying on them for everything. And with that new demand, many women find themselves neglecting the opportunity to nurture their own identity outside of being the mother of their kids or provider in their family.
Back Story
In all my posts, you will see that I have a story for everything. Every post I write includes an experience, thought, or emotion that was first in place for me to have a desire to write about it. About a couple years ago, I kept having this weird dream. It was a dream about me being in front of a black door that I couldn’t open and didn’t have the key to.
This dream slowly progressed to me walking into a dressing room with large mirrors and curtains, red curtains. In the dressing room, I spent a great deal of time trying on different outfits and wasn’t satisfied. I was getting to the point of frustration and sadness. But in the last dream there I was leaving the dressing room and ending up in my own bedroom. I put on something in my own closet and ended up being a hit at the imaginary event.
Okurrrrrrr….
The cool thing about dreams is that there is always a meaning or underlying reason for why the mind is creating this specific image or story. Like with all my dreams I go to town on Google trying to find the meaning behind them. According to Dream Encyclopedia:
- To dream about a dressing room suggests that you are going through a transition period in your life.
- The dressing room is essentially about preparation for some heightened form of expression. Look to where in your life you are gearing up to be expressive in a particular way. Additionally, you may be hesitating to take risks around putting yourself out there by staying too long in the dressing room.
Lord, get out my business….Just Kidding!
I was definitely living what the definitions said and I was not ready to face the music on my procrastination, being afraid, and holding myself back.
“Dreams are the seedlings of reality.” ―Napoleon Hill, Think and Grow Rich
Bible and Dreams
So what I’ve found is that there are more than 20 incidences of dreams in the bible. The main story we often hear about is Joseph the prophet and interpreter of dreams. Dreams are one of the ways that God communicates with us, His people. God uses dreams to give us specific directions or plant a seed so that we can regain focus on what we need to.
Dreams are so important to our identity because they allow us to believe that something is possible, something is to come. It gives us hope and a future. We always have our core identity but at the same time, our identity flourishes when we feel like we are growing and transforming in alignment with God. As moms, we often feel stuck and bound, because we are not evolving or we are placing our faith and hope in our roles in life.
What is our true identity?
Our God-given identity can be found in Ephesians 1. It’s the book I started with when I was trying to regain my sense of self. But don’t think this chapter is the end all. There are little nuggets of seeds throughout the bible to remind you of who you are in Christ and refresh your sense of self.
One chapter I love is Proverbs 31, not to feel inadequate of what I don’t embody in this moment but to refresh myself of the capability I have as a woman. I rebuke the spirit of inadequacy. Here are a few additional verses to study to feed your curiosity:
- Matthew 5:14-15
- 2 Corinthians 5:17
- John 15:15
- Genesis 1:27
- John 3:16
What this identity experience led me to do?
After being put on blast by the Almighty, I finally had to begin working on my identity as a woman, and not as an employee, mom, and aspiring entrepreneur. I had to stop and think about what truly makes me, Me. So the work began…
It wasn’t an easy journey. I learned so much about myself which made me feel more connected to myself. But I also found out or finally began to admit some negative qualities that have been in denial for some time now. The cool thing about spending more time with yourself is that you begin to release the chains that have been holding you back. I felt myself finally walking in a place of freedom.
Thank you Lord!
I honestly don’t remember having dreams like this prior to having my daughter. Probably dealing with other issues. But I noticed shortly after having my daughter and going all in for her, identity became an issue. I won’t say that I know completely my full identity as I am still waiting on my results from 23andMe. Just Kidding…
But one thing I do know is that I have taken steps to truly explore my core identity the way God has always intended. And through my actions I was able to improve my confidence. I’ve even found my interest and joy in writing through blogging and encouraging others. Keep reading and you’ll find out the key steps that I took to regain my identity after having my child.
Key Steps to Regaining Your Identity After Becoming A Mom
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Define Identity For Yourself
Take the time needed to understand the meaning behind identity and its impact on your life and decisions. With anything you’re trying to improve and master, it is important to get a foundation and understanding of it’s basic principles.
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Study and Research Your God Given Identity
With the scriptures above, use these verses as a stepping stone to your curiosity and growth in your God-given identity. The world will tell you that your identity is only based on what you do and who needs you. Identity is so much more than actions, your identity is your sense of being.
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Break Up With Things and Roles That You’ve Made Your Identity
Biggest area we need to break up with is having our identity as our role as a mother. Before you were a mother, you had a purpose. You have a specific mission here on earth. This step is all about understanding the bigger picture and acknowledging that motherhood is an assignment that helps you grow and push you closer to your purpose. Repeat this: BEING A MOTHER IS NOT MY PURPOSE, IT IS MY ASSIGNMENT!
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Find A Way to Explore Your Strengths and Weakness
I love taking assessments and questionnaires to improve my understanding of my gifts, weaknesses and talents. One thing I do not do is when I find my weaknesses, I work to not dwell on it. In the words of Auntie Joyce Meyers, “we can focus on working on our weaknesses that we miss the opportunity to develop our strengths.” Another way is reaching out to people who know you best to pour into you regarding your strengths and shortcomings.
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Spend Allocated Time with Yourself
The only way we truly can regain our identity and sense of self is spending time with yourself. For some moms, this may be a difficult and guilt-ridden task. Get over the first hump and you will begin to fall in love with yourself. Affirm yourself with positive things you love about yourself. And speak change and transformation as it relates to the areas you are not too fond of. Change begins with you!
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Be Authentic, Be Strong, and Be Courageous
This was a really tough step for me as you can see with the dressing room theory. Sometimes we just have to accept ourselves and be true to the way God wired you. Some people may love you and some people may not ever understand you. But it’s not their job to give you affirmations of your identity, only you and God can. Walk in what makes you, You. Your tribe will form out of the pruning that comes with your obedience and trust in Him. Do what God is commanded of you over and over again in the Word:
Remember that I have commanded you to be determined and confident! Do not be afraid or discouraged, for I, the LORD your God, am with you wherever you go. – Joshua 1:9 GNT
All in all,
You may not have all the answers after completing everything in this blog post. And you know what, that is expected. Identity is not a destination but a continuous on-going pursuit for what God planned for your life. God is the ultimate creator and only he knows the full plan he has for you. You just have to stay in touch with the source to know everything you need to know.
Identity is something we hold tight to and that helps us walk through the challenges of this life with confidence. Understand that everything truly flows from our sense of identity. I encourage you to pursue knowing your identity and walking in it daily. Therefore, I will leave you with an amazing quote to encourage and uplift you as it ministers to me.
“Be yourself; everyone else is already taken.”-Oscar Wilde
Hope this post blesses at least one mama!
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