Today, I want to talk to you about how to revive your relationship with your mother. Mother’s day is near, and my main goal this week is to get you to the correct heart posture to celebrate your relationship with your mother truly.
This topic came to mind when an old friend of mine, my childhood best friend, shared that she always admired my relationship with my mother. Girl, I was ballin’. Somebody call the usher to bring the tissue box.
Even though it was one of the sweetest things said, and it came right when I needed the reminder, her lovely viewpoint made me look at our mother-daughter relationship from a different perspective.
- 1 6 Keys To Revive Your Relationship With Your Mother
- 1.1 Realize That Your Mother Owes You Nothing
- 1.2 Envision The Relationship You Want To Have With Your Mother
- 1.3 Reflect On The Challenges Of The Past
- 1.4
- 1.5 Communicate How You Desire For The Relationship To Change And Your Needs
- 1.6
- 1.7 Develop An Attitude Of Gratitude Towards Your Mom
- 1.8 Find Ways To Serve Your Mother
- 2
- 3 All in all,
- 4 Chyna Nicole
- 5 Related
The Hard Times In Your Relationship With Your Mother
Don’t get me wrong; our mom-daughter relationship has reached relationship goals; however, we’ve had our challenges and difference. I believe that 14-19 were the challenging years in our relationship. It could have been my hormones, and you can’t tell me anything.
I won’t get into many details of the trying season we had, but I know it got to a point where I was thinking of ways to get rid of the body. I am just being honest. But it was nothing but the enemy working me and playing me like a fiddle.
I say all this because I know others have had terrible life-altering experiences with their mother, never had any moments with their mothers, or have lost their mothers early in life. No matter where you are in your relationship with your mother, you should always be in a place of healing and evolving in how you see your mother, relate to your mother, and connect to the little girl inside of you. Or little boy, I know some men secretly read this blog.
For this very reason, I want to share my 6 key steps to reviving your relationship with your mother that I implemented on my own over the last 7 years.
6 Keys To Revive Your Relationship With Your Mother
I will start with the first one, and some will not like it, but it’s true. Even if it’s the only key you read, it’s the most important.
Realize That Your Mother Owes You Nothing
Don’t start a riot now! Our mothers do not owe us a thing but love us, guide us, and teach us of the things of the Lord. Our mothers have spent their life raising us or doing the things they only knew to do. It may not have been perfect or left you wanting more than they could provide, but they did their best.
I had to realize that my mom was my age when she was raising me, so now that I am that age, now I understand why she did the things she did. Most of our mothers were still growing up and figuring out themselves.
Envision The Relationship You Want To Have With Your Mother
Creating a vision for your mother-daughter relationship is not rocket science.
Ask yourself: What would I like my relationship with my mom to be. How would I want us to spend our time together? What do I need from my mother right now?
Whatever you begin to imagine about the future, know that it will take time and buy-in from your mother. I know that all moms aren’t the easiest to get along with, but be flexible in your vision so that you protect your heart and mental energy in the process. You can have boundaries with your mother. Let me repeat it; you can have boundaries with your mother.
Reflect On The Challenges Of The Past
If you tell me that you have never had a conflict with your mom, it tells me that neither one of you are human. Just kidding. However, everyone has had at least one time of complete friction with their mother.
When I ask you to reflect, I invite you to analyze past experiences to learn from them. Not to find more evidence to justify your grudge or muster up all the heavy, negative emotions tied to them. If you still find yourself getting worked up when you think about the hard times with your mother, I recommend seeing a professional counselor to work through those thoughts and emotions.
Also, ask your mother questions about the experience to gain understanding from both perspectives only if your mom is at an emotionally mature level to have that conversation because emotional maturity doesn’t have an age.
“I really saw clearly, and for the first time, why a mother is really important. Not just because she feeds and also loves and cuddles and even mollycoddles a child, but because in an interesting and maybe an eerie and unworldly way, she stands in the gap. She stands between the unknown and the known.”
― Maya Angelou
Communicate How You Desire For The Relationship To Change And Your Needs
When you feel you’ve gained a good understanding and have healed from past experiences and missed expectations, you are ready to move forward with reviving and improving your relationship with your mother.
This step requires you to open your mouth confidently and, for some, courageously. I say that because my mom used to be a ‘no talking back’ type of mom. So you know, any word that was not yes was being disrespectful. I am happy my mom evolved some and allowed me to use my voice.
Your thoughts, opinions, and needs matter. If your mom can not handle your truth, that’s her problem. Speaking about your needs and desired changes allows the relationship to be healthy, if not right away, but with time.
But watch your tone, though. I know some moms that still spank their adult children.
Develop An Attitude Of Gratitude Towards Your Mom
Be thankful for God using her to bring you into this world. Be grateful for the time you have spent with your mom, no matter how small or long.
Let your mother know that she means so much to you and that you are grateful to have her as your mother. Visit her gravesite or talk to her through your day.
You can even annoy her by texting her memes and sweet messages or calling her 3 times a day for no reason like me. Let your mom know how you feel about her. You will begin to develop a heart and attitude of gratitude and thankfulness.
Find Ways To Serve Your Mother
I am not going into a profound lecture about this one. I encourage you to be of service to your mother and not a burden.
You know your mother. You know her love language and how much she can handle you being in her space. However, if you know your mother can be manipulative, tread lightly with serving and do not lose yourself trying to create this envisioned relationship with your mother.
Pray to God and ask Him what you can do to revive or improve your relationship with your mother, primarily if you are known for doing everything first and burning yourself out. Seek God first as it relates to your mother, heed the holy spirit speaking, and follow Jesus’s example of being a servant to others without losing who you are in the mix.
All in all,
Do what you need to do to revive, heal, or reconcile your relationship with your mother. If you already have an excellent relationship, I pray to God that you continue to grow and have many more years with your mother.
If you cannot have any more moments with your mother, I pray that you continue to think of her with a smile on your face and joy in your heart. Use the joy and gratitude to share stories about your mother with your children and others. Allow others to experience her through you.
Need additional support?
- 5 Essential Relationships That Are More Important Than A Romantic One
- The Key to Healthy Relationships For Single Moms
- Encouraging Words For Single Moms From 6 Single Moms Past & Present
And if you want to stay connected with resources for relationship-building, join the new Women Seeking Confidence Facebook Group here.
