I hate to give loneliness credit but for many years in the month of February, I lost the battle against loneliness.
It’s going to be exactly the 20 years since the day of which the rip began to unravel concerning my self-confidence, esteem, and worthiness. Just only at the tender age of 10 was I bold enough to make a card for a boy who would in return laugh in my face. My first bitter taste of rejection, and the start to my loneliness battle.
But it didn’t stop there. I was often having to be happy for friends and celebrating other people’s relationships while I didn’t have one of my own. Constantly, trying to WILL myself into being ok with being by myself. Taking breaks from social media on this day to avoid comparison.
Loneliness had a hold on me and wouldn’t let me go.
Until I began to challenge myself to figure out why I was feeling lonely…
I know I’m not alone on this because there are approximately 13.6 million single parents in the US and 84% are single moms. (I’m still amazed at the numbers)
What is the real story around Valentine’s day?
Valentine’s Day was originally started during the 5th century. Connected with a day in the Roman era where a festival to celebrate the coming of spring, including fertility and the mating of women with men by lottery. It was destined to be a day of lovers expressing their affection through gifts and greeting.
I don’t know about you, but waiting to get assigned to a man does not sound fun. Okayyyy!
But I would say a day of affection and love is something I could get with in general. Because anyone that knows me knows I’m a sucker for romantic movies, especially christmas movies. (Well, Netflix knows…check my watch again list)
God Can Help With Your Loneliness
Over the years, I’ve learned that God has my best interest at heart when it comes to who I will marry and have a romantic love/affection with for the rest of my days. Each time I tried to rush it dfor fear of being alone, each situation backfired, taking me through a lesson learned and not the happily ever after I was looking for again and again.
Research shows that loneliness is:
- An all time and epidemic. 47% of americans report they feel lonely sometimes.
- Prevalent mostly in the beginning and end of year, holiday season.
- Leading contributor to depression, poor decisions, and premature mortality.
And…
The bible speaks on loneliness through stories because anything we go through in this world is nothing new under the Son. We have been dealing with this battle, men and women alike, since the beginning of time.
This bible verse even confirms it:
Then the LORD God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him.” Genesis 2:18 NLT
It means that no one should be doing life by themselves, not necessarily saying that everybody should have a boo. Most christians get that scripture twisted all the time. Romance can be included but it’s not the only way to conquer loneliness.
You are stronger than loneliness and a made-up day.
Well, maybe not that strong but…
As single moms, we do so much ourselves whether it’s intentional or all we can rely on. We raise our kids, take care of the house, work, and make hard decisions all alone. We are super women for sure.
Sometimes we can be so independent that we lose the sense of what God has called us to do, which is gain community through relationship.
Yet, there’s something about Valentine’s Day that get us all feeling down and alone, even us ‘I don’t need no man’ type.
Every woman desires to be loved and to love, by God, family, and most importantly by a man. The thing that get’s us hung up is when we get so focus on the romantic love of a man for a day that we neglect to appreciate the unconditional, unfailing, everlasting love of God we are each and everyday of our lives. This is why I shared supportive scripture to help you battle loneliness.
Scriptures to help battle loneliness
Below are scriptures that will help you gain authority over your emotions, the spirit of loneliness, and help you navigate this upcoming week with grace and wholeness as a single mom:
Psalms 68:8 God places the lonely in families; He sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.
Proverbs 21:29 It’s better to live alone in the desert than with a quarrelsome, wife (husband, boyfriend, whatever).
1 Peter 5:7 Cast all your anxiety on Him because he cares for you.
Psalm 25:16 Turn to me and be gracious to me, for I am lonely and afflicted.
Joshua 1:5-6 No one will be able to stand against you all the days of your life. As I was with Moses, so I will be with; I will never leave you nor forsake you.
3 Tips For Dealing With Loneliness On Valentine’s Day
Here are three helpful tips to deal with loneliness this month:
Take off the mask.
I’ve been that woman before, fronting as if I did not have desires to be in a relationship or even to be married. So I know the mask we often put up to make us look strong. But there’s a need on the inside of you for intimacy with God and his creation. I’m not saying to be needy; however, there has to be some heart work done and vulnerability to admit what you truly desire in your heart. The word says:
Blessed is she who has believed that the Lord would fulfill his promises to her! Luke 1:45
Avoid the fall into the anti-love, anti-relationship trap.
Just because I’m believing that I won’t be single on valentines day going forward, it does not discount all the love and blessings I have already. Instead of being so concerned with what you’re receiving give love and affection on that day to others. Just because you’re not getting gas station flowers and teddy bear bought off the corner, doesn’t mean you have to be negative about everyone else’s experience. Give that a rest this year please!
Use this Valentine’s Day as a day of gratitude toward love in general.
We can make a holiday anything we want it to be. We don’t have to just celebrate being in a romantic relationship. We can use February 14th as our annual day to thank God for being love, celebrating love toward those closes to us, or celebrate the love we share with our children.
Gratitude is an amazing tool for perspective switching. Loneliness is rooted in seeing things in the wrong way, the wrong light. If we look at our situation or singleness as an opportunity to go all in for God, learn more about ourselves, and doing whatever we want when we want, loneliness would be a distant thought.
How to counter act the urge to feed into loneliness?
Anything that you feed, you help it to grow. Anything you starve will die where it is.
Be careful not to feed the spirit of loneliness because it will grow and soon overpower you. But instead, deprive it of your attention, thoughts, heart, and in your conversation with others.
Loneliness screams out me, me, me.
God desires us to scream out we, us, them.
The word says, “it is better to give than to receive” (Acts 20:35). I don’t know about you but anytime I begin doing for others, all those feelings of inadequacy, loneliness, depression, anxiety don’t appear so big in my life anymore.
You want to know why? Because you take the focus off yourself and give it to God’s purpose for meeting a greater need.
All in all,
Ladies, take back your power, take back your thoughts, and master your emotions.
Declare that no day can get you down to the point that you forget who God made you to be and the purpose he has for you in your single season. Cut down every message that is being pushed in the world that you are lonely and lacking without a man in your life, in Jesus name.
You are not lonely, you need to get productive.
I remind myself that God is keeping you hidden for a reason. His ways are better than are ways. His viewpoint is clearer than ours. Trust in that, ladies!
Need support?
Supportive Blog Post:
- For Single Moms Surrounded By Married Women
- 5 Movies To Help Single Moms Believe in Love Again
- 5 Essential Relationships That Are More Important Than A Romantic One
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in relationships:
