I know you looked at the title sideways, and if I didn’t write this, I would have the same reaction. But this is not about taking the wheel from God but partnering with God to show you the wisdom and ways of leadership so you can begin to handle the light work in your life. So learning to lead yourself is not a declaration of independence but a declaration that God can use you for the kingdom as you lead yourself.
Things can sometimes be challenging and frustrating when moving forward in leadership. Often we want to be in a place and at tables that will allow us to show up as the person we know we are deep down. But at times, you feel invisible, unqualified, and not worthy of leading or being a leader due to circumstances.
Know that all of that is a lie from the enemy; you were born to lead. With this post, I will share with you wisdom straight from scripture to help you begin to see yourself in leadership and become a leader by starting with leading yourself.
There’s a famous quote that I love so much that helped me gain a proper perspective as it relates to leadership. It’s from John Maxwell,
We must travel on the inside before we travel on the outside, because the journey of growth and success is first an internal one.
I have many dreams, goals, and aspirations that require me to develop leadership skills and qualities to be a more significant influence in the world and for the kingdom.
Some things I have tried to walk out already, and others seem like I do not have the characteristics, capacity, energy, or permission to begin showing up in the world. And like many of us in taking the following steps, I get bombarded with messages that I am in fear or lack the drive if I haven’t made a move.
That is so not true most of the time. In actuality, we just lack essential skills and characteristics that can allow us to see some of the actions through.
- 1 Debunking Leadership Myths For Single Moms
- 2 12 Tips For Leading Yourself
- 2.1 Adjust your perspective of leadership
- 2.2 Work on how you see yourself and your abilities
- 2.3 Commit to a greater purpose or mission
- 2.4 Learn and practice emotional regulation in times of challenges
- 2.5 Don’t shut off and isolate yourself.
- 2.6 Be friendly to yourself.
- 2.7 Talk with substance and continually learn.
- 2.8 Avoid self-sabotage and destruction.
- 2.9 Operate in gentleness and grace.
- 2.10 Discern what criticisms are constructive and leave the rest.
- 2.11 Create a system to keep your home in order.
- 2.12 Prioritize those who you are already leading, including yourself.
- 3 All in all,
- 4 Chyna Nicole
- 5 Related
Debunking Leadership Myths For Single Moms
Someone down the line, a lie was told that stated that single moms couldn’t lead anyone. I don’t know where that comes from, but I know that in some places, a single mom is often overlooked for significant leadership opportunities due to family structure circumstances.
But luckily, I have not experienced this, especially in the kingdom/church. Let me know in the comments whether you have or not.
However, in this world, single mothers are more prominent and have been leading the family structures for some time now. We are finding more and more single mom entrepreneurs, homeowners, coaches, and financial powerhouses arise even when these titles were often seen only with married leaders.
It was always this assumption that a single mom could not meet the needs and be accessible in a leadership capacity which was never the truth.
Single moms have evolved and have been able to manage any activity and lead when needed for opportunities that are meaningful to them.
Leading is not far-fetched, but it starts with leading yourself.
We can go through all the inspirational content and motivational monologues. Still, the truth of the matter is that you are unable to lead others until you begin to show yourself healthily properly. Learning to lead yourself spiritually, emotionally, mentally, and behaviorally is the beginning of the success and growth needed to lead in the capacity God has called you to.
Taking the time to become a better leader of yourself allows you to grow into your capacity as a leader with your children, extended family, and friends. Leadership develops five traits in you that are curse words to many in this current cultural climate. Those five traits are below:
- Discipline
- Self-Control
- Servitude
- Gratitude & Thankfulness
- Honor
Each one helps you to develop and rise to your full potential. Single mom or not, I desire to progress and elevation, and I know you do too. But I remind myself to keep God first, using his son as an example of leadership for myself and others.
Scripture says that he will exalt you in due time, which reminds you not to get too far ahead of yourself once you start to grow.
So humble yourselves under the mighty power of God, and at the right time he will lift you up in honor. 1 Peter 5:6 NLT
The Word also gives us a clear understanding of the character of a kingdom leader, not only for the church but for leading yourself and others in 1 Timothy. The Message bible breaks it down the best. (Straight Hood)
If anyone wants to provide leadership in the church, good! But there are preconditions: A leader must be well-thought-of, committed to his wife, cool and collected, accessible, and hospitable. He must know what he’s talking about, not be overfond of wine, not pushy but gentle, not thin-skinned, not money-hungry. He must handle his own affairs well, attentive to his own children and having their respect. For if someone is unable to handle his own affairs, how can he take care of God’s church? He must not be a new believer, lest the position go to his head and the Devil trip him up. Outsiders must think well of him, or else the Devil will figure out a way to lure him into his trap. 1 Timothy 3:1-7 MSG
This version breaks down the 12 preconditions for leadership that will make you a great candidate for influence and people management.
Before we dive into the 12 tips I have for you; I want to remind you that leadership requires you to be connected with others, even when the only people you lead are you and your children. You can not reach full maturity and potential as a leader until you realize that isolation is not the key to advancement; community is.
12 Tips For Leading Yourself
Adjust your perspective of leadership
Leadership is good! I repeat, leadership is good! Please don’t laugh at me, but I used to be this way. I didn’t want anything to do with leadership. I wanted to do me and me only. I didn’t want to be responsible for another being.
But I laugh because God has a funny way of showing us that our thoughts are not like His, and our practices defeat the purpose. When I became a mom, I learned real quick.
Being a leader and desiring leadership are all positive desires that please God, but only if it’s for the betterment of others and not only for selfish gain. So whether you were leader-avoidant or wanted to always be in charge, change your perspective and understanding of what leading is.
Work on how you see yourself and your abilities
When I read “well thought of,” I knew it was an immediate call to shift how I think of myself, who I am, and what I am capable of doing. Many those who struggle with leadership also struggle with identity, confidence, and self-awareness.
Even though leadership could help you grow in these areas, it is also crucial for you to have a foundation of who you are before entering such roles. In all, becoming whole within yourself and letting God prune what needs change.
Commit to a greater purpose or mission
This one is self-explanatory, I hope. Leading is less about you and more about something bigger than your bubble. The best way to be a better leader to yourself is to ask God about your purpose and identify the greater mission He has for us all in this life.
You will feel better, be clear in your direction, and know how to avoid getting into situations that are not good for you and those connected to you.
Learn and practice emotional regulation in times of challenges
I struggled with this big time. I still remember falling back to old patterns of how I handled adversity. But the signs of a true leader know when emotions need feeling and when is response is needed. Especially when dealing with others, but also when dealing with yourself.
Once you know how to regulate your emotions healthily, the emotional intelligence you desire as a leader begins to grow, and you will not be tossed to and fro by every feeling that rises in you. It’s a life’s journey but is so worth it.
Don’t shut off and isolate yourself.
Being accessible is key to being a leader, according to scripture. If you can’t reach yourself, then that’s a problem. If God can’t call you, that’s an even bigger issue. Reach-ability impacts capacity.
And this tip I give because I see so many leaders or those with leadership potential avoid the discomforts of the call by isolating and shutting off from others who are there to help them fine-tune and level up as an individual of the greater.
Be friendly to yourself.
In other words, be nice. There are so many things in this world that want to tear each of us down, but it takes only one of you to be the friend you want for yourself. And in that, you will be a better friend and leader to others when the time comes.
Talk with substance and continually learn.
Have something to say that is beneficial and not detrimental to the person hearing it. A true leader knows how to empower and guide others to their full potential. With knowing comes a responsibility to learn and grow in understanding and skill so that you can provide value to those, you lead, including yourself.
If you are talking negatively and spending time-consuming unhealthy content, then the fruit of your leadership will reek of a rotten nature.
Avoid self-sabotage and destruction.
The tell-tale signs of poor self-leadership include self-sabotage and self-destructive behaviors that do not align with wanting to see growth in yourself. In sabotage, you decide to oppress yourself even though you are free from your shortcomings.
Instead, choose to continue to follow in those fails in hopes of being excused from the responsibility of leading yourself, which is not the case. You are only hurting yourself when you engage in this type of behavior.
Operate in gentleness and grace.
Nobody ever listens to a loud mouth, rude, and unforgiving person. What if Jesus led us like that? Would you be the follower of Christ that you are today? What if your parents were like this? Some may have had parents or those in leadership roles in their life like this.
However, if you reflect, you did not appreciate or value anything they said to support you and others. For this reason, the scripture requires leaders to operate in gentleness and grace so that those who come forth will feel welcomed and inspired to show up in the same way.
Discern what criticisms are constructive and leave the rest.
The art of discernment is a vital skill to have, especially as a leader. And the way we filter what feedback we receive determines how well we lead ourselves.
Quality feedback is necessary to grow in making the best decisions for yourself. It also allows God to provide the filter to know what needs internalization versus what should be left where it was said.
Create a system to keep your home in order.
I believe this is the hardest one for me as I am learning to live with ADHD as a mom. It often feels that not only my physical home gets out of order, but I also experience chaos in my body. I find myself scrambling to juggle everything emotionally, mentally, spiritually, physically, and relationally. However, creating systems intentionally shows that you seek ways to lead and see things through.
Prioritize those who you are already leading, including yourself.
This leadership tip was strategically put last because for some of us. After reading this list, we will be inspired and empowered to start leading ourselves and everything else. But this is your friendly reminder to start with what you have and grow from there.
If God has been tugging at you to take on more responsibility or stepping up in some capacity and you don’t know where to start, this is your sign. Start with learning about leading and begin to lead yourself. And that most excellent step is to choose to allow God to be the ultimate leader in your life.
We are in His image, so we are leaders. However, we must be intentional about spending time with Him to begin to see Him manifest in us in a leadership role.
All in all,
Leadership is not a position assigned to specific demographic groups and circumstances, but we are all called to lead, and your first assignment is leading yourself. Once you master self-leadership, you will see a boost in overall confidence and capacity to navigate your relationships with greater relational intelligence, which is vital if you want to be a well-thought-of leader in the world and kingdom.
If you need some added support, here are other blog posts to supplement growing in self-leadership:
You can also join the Women Seeking Confidence Facebook group for a community of women headed in the same direction as you in regards to growing in relationships:
